These series have opened up the discussion for various topics. Your feedback has been incredible. I would like to introduce you to Wanika Hightower-Scott, a married mom of 2.
Being married usually is the marrying of two families together. In an ideal world, both families blend well. There are cookouts, birthday parties, holidays, etc but what happens when your village has to be cut?
When you get married one of the phrases you hear is that the married couple is to leave and cleave. However like most couples you don’t cut your family off. You want to bring your family into your beautiful union. At 24 Wanika had found the love of her life. She had a baby and of course through persuasion of others marriage seemed like the natural step.
Ladies, I’ve always caution couples from marrying for the children’s sake. Marry because you love your mate, willing to make your commitment work, and desire marriage. Wanika found herself in a whirlwind of persuasion. Now don’t read into this she loved and still loves her husband.
Balance in marriage is always hard. To know how much you let others into your union is tricky no matter what. After a few drama filled issues the stand that Wanika and her husband took to eliminate the village completley was hard. Can you imagine the ones that you thought was in your corner having to say wait, let’s re-evaluate this?! That’s what they did as a couple.
Cutting out all voices and hands in the pot allowed her to know as a wife that she could make decisions and support her own family without influence. She and her husband realized that they were strong enough to survive. Her motto is “us against the world.”
If you’re reading this and thinking that you couldn’t take that step that’s fine but consider this point, if anyone’s voice is stronger in your union than you and your mate’s than you need to cleave to your mate. We all need support from time to time but a crutch in your marriage is actually more hurtful than you can ever know.
You made a vow between you, God, and your mate and if the ship sinks or fails it’s up to you and your mate to see it through. It’s not that family or friends are a cancer to a marriage but it can be if you give them too much say. No one should be involved with the intimate part of your marriage.
Here are my suggestions to keep your marriage stronger:
1. Never tell family and friends pillow talk shared between you and your mate
2. Keep your mate first and make others respect it yes even your parents need to know this as well
3. Make your own traditions with your new family
4. Keep venting about your mate’s negative traits to a minimal, people don’t forgive as quickly as you
If you have a village that supports you consider yourself blessed. In this age not all families are able to support without feeling as if they should have control. I’m not against villages at all. Some villages are a great tool to support a budding marriage. However trust your instincts and always make you and your husband the priority.
Lastly after talking to Wanika I wanted to know with all the things that took place in her marriage did she have any regrets? Her regret isn’t in marrying her husband but in how early they married. Marriage is hard already one and then marrying young isn’t for everybody because you need to know yourself. Wanika would love for people to slow things down.
I know many women who are in the same situation as Wanika. I also know marriages who have fallen apart because of people becoming too involved. It’s up to you and your mate to make the lines between you first and then make others respect it as well. Sometimes people’s feelings will be hurt but if genuine respect can’t be given, you have to do what’s best for your family.
Ladies, what do you think is a parent, family or friend worth your relationship?
