Please do not get me wrong. I think anyone doing anything positive is good news. I love that people are attempting to move past the backward thinking that has seemed to take this world over. However, can we just be real for about a few seconds? When basic behavior is like the best thing since sliced bread than we have a problem.
You are in a dating situation the man of your dreams is wining and dining you and pulls your chair out, etc now you are like see my man loves me? I don’t doubt he does. In a world where men and no not all men are too busy getting caught up in the negative things, playing video games and no job, making babies with no responsibility this could seem like a breath of fresh air. However the issue isn’t in the mere manners, it needs to be our own personal standards that have gone on a decline. Even when I dated the most thugs of boyfriends they pulled my chair out. It was the way I carried myself that lead them to know from the gate that if they never pull a dime like myself they was going to step it ALL the up. So opening up doors is normal for me during my dating processes. Opening doors was basic. It wasn’t because I carried myself in a stuck up way, I didn’t I was laid back but my mere demeanor said hey buddy, this is going to be a classy outing. Now this didn’t always mean I was at 5 star restaurants all the time either. I could go to a night of dancing in the hole in the wall but still be treated like I wasn’t living in the hole of the wall. I set the standard!
If you are married and your husband is super caring, we uplift them. We start labeling relationship goals right off the bat because a husband kissed their wife. Okay I get there are sexless and boring marriages (all by choice) but a simple kiss even a romantic passionate one making relationship goals only means that there are a lot of married couples who do not enjoy the union they are in. Kisses are done simply at the altar or union as a seal of commitment. So….yeah we have got to raise the standard. I had a conversation with my own husband and we acknowledged the highs and lows of our relationship and how outside things and distractions are often celebrated when we lack the self-sufficiency to love on each other and ourselves in the way it should be. A husband who simply comes home is celebrated as if he isn’t supposed to return home after his outside of the home obligations are done. He is celebrated and the phrase, “well at least he’s not cheating” comes into play. Like is he supposed to be cheating? I know cheating is big but let’s not give more respect to the cheater than the faithful? We live in a messed up world. The only way to make the world smaller is to learn to leave the outside world OUTSIDE. Spend more time making YOUR world what YOU want it to be.
If you are married and have kids and your husband doesn’t lift the finger to assist you with the kids some of it on you because you won’t speak up and other reasons is because he doesn’t think he should, I hear well at least he’s in the home. So many men are locked up or leave after they make the babies. This is true. However him being in the home still living like an absentee father is even more crazy. You do know they exist. They are simply bodies but they don’t do a thing but get the greatest father in the world book just because they stayed. Um, if you have a baby and make a baby it is YOUR responsibility to be there, provide, and dare I say interact and assist in the raising of that child. It is simply not okay to come in the home, say hi, watch tv and send the child to bed and think you have arrived in parenting. NO you need to be a force in the home. You need to be helping with whatever it takes to make sure you have healthy, loved and supported children. Ladies, if you have a man who is simply there don’t expect it. Also speak up and don’t berate him because he doesn’t do things like you do either. It’s give and take once ALL parties pay their part.
I believe in rewarding kids but kids are supposed to do good things if they are influenced in the right way. For instance every time your child does something he/she will NOT always be rewarded. Teaching integrity means that at some point they learn to do the right thing simply because it’s right and not because someone is watching them or will give them something. This is why some kids feel a sense of entitlement because you love your little love muffin and use rewards for everything. Reward systems are awesome. It can be used to motivate but should not be in the place of all parenting techniques. These little angels grow up and think the world owes them something and you and I both know that really isn’t how it works.
Like I have always pushed, balance is key. Never do more on one side over another. I know this whole not wanting to be “basic” is a thing but the reality is there are times when going back to the old landmark really does still work. The standard you set in your life and how you work through it should still be set by a measurement. If a person is worth your time they will know what your standard is. That is why some people go ga ga over things like good sex. Is sex supposed to be bad? Yes there are some sexual partners that don’t always do it right off the bat and you have to set the standard even in that on what you will accept or not. However some folks get one strong sexual partner and will throw caution to the wind over some wet sheets and weak knees. It’s like having a stack of cards and as long as one suit is good, you don’t pay any attention to anything else. Set the standard. Know you are worth to be treated the way you want and make no excuse for it. In time once your basic needs are met the other items will line up because you are looking through balanced eyes.
