‘veHappy Wednesday. Today’s Wednesday Wellness is going to be a little different. Today is my birthday and I always do a letter of some sort to talk about the things that I am most grateful for. This goes well beyond the normal life, health, and strength. I am grateful for that too, but I like to dig a little deeper than surface gratefulness.
Wednesday Transformation
A few years ago, I went through a transformation of my whole life. I had to learn to let go of the people and things that were weighing me down. FYI, I started looking out and with therapy I turned the fingers inward. It was from that transformation that I am here today. I was bitter. Mad at the world having a long laundry list of faults that I had accumulated from what others had done. Although I had to accept my role in it, I quickly learned to acknowledge it and move forward. It wasn’t easy. It took me about 3-4 years of separating myself from folks to get there. Healing isn’t linear. There are many times when I must remember that pain is a lesson. At 42 years I refuse to fill my life with misery.
Growth is Necessary
So it is with that dedication that I wake up and try to do my very best. Things do hurt. As I get older, I realize that life is fleeting and there are people who I no longer share space with anymore. I have always thought in order to be a good friend that you had to be accepting of whatever treatment given. I’ve come to have friends who check me but love me too. I also have a few straggling friends who are just place warmers to. They are slowly phasing out. I realize that it’s okay to want to be loved and have that love in my life daily.
My family has been such a saving grace. Honesty, I have blogged this before but my oldest saved my whole life. I had to learn to be a Mother I had to heal from my childhood wounds. It wasn’t a matter of it I can change diapers and feed her. The real work was learning how to nurture her in the ways that I wasn’t. This is no dig to my parents, but every generation needs something different. I couldn’t parent her from the same place of survival that my mom parented me. I was thriving and in thriving came accountability and loving myself too. My kids are really a great part of my world.
Wednesday Self Check
Relationships I have had in my life have really been a teaching lesson. My husband has really pushed me in ways that have been beautiful and aggravating at the same time. Marriage is a mirror. I don’t have much advice to give people on marriage except that when your spouse pushes your nerves often there is a lesson of inner work or learning how to make space for yourself. I used to think my husband and kids were my world.
They are a great part of my world. My world is big. It has friends, husband, kids, my business, and the parts of me that I am learning to love every day. I am not defined by the titles I carry. Those titles are the responsibilities that I have. So today as I celebrate these 42 years, its about growth. If you would have asked the Toi of her 20s what her life would look like and the Toi of her 30s this wasn’t it. My life has blossomed into so much more. I am grateful for it all.
Birthday Blessings
So, the birthday wishes have been coming in. Let me give a general thank you. As always not necessary but you are more than welcome to buy me a coffee or give a fewcents. It is appreciated. Thank you to my loved ones who woke me with gifts and things today. It is appreciated. I plan to be busy all day. Today I will be attending a media event that I wanted to go to. There will be food and drinks as well as fun. Then later I will be having dinner with one of the besties. Lastly, I plan to have an amazing weekend as we go into Mother’s Day too. So, thank you all.
I am also a twin, so Happy Birthday to Tierra. I love you. The way I am proud of you makes no sense. I have seen you at your worse and celebrate the greatness that you are walking in. Thank you for taking such great care of my niece, Ava. I love you!
