Being an adult is accepting responsibility beyond your past. There are many grown folks who don’t understand that accepting responsibility is a key to adulting. When you leave your responsibility to others it causes such a disconnect with yourself and those around you. So let’s talk about ways to do better at take responsibility.
Who is to Blame?
I remember growing up hearing people talk about when kids turn into adults how its the fault of the parents that people are the way they are. Here’s the thing your upbringing does play a part is how you move. However at some point you become the reason that life is happening. So many people have had levels of trauma that understandably reflects in their decision making. There are things that directly affect the way you think about things in life. As someone who could and may possibly write a book about things I am a living testament that the way your life starts doesn’t have to be final. You get to do the work to make positive changes. It’s not easy in the least bit. There are going to be ups and downs but you are the one in charge of taking charge of your destiny.
Courtesy of Pexel PhotosIt’s on you now what? Past Chronicles
After you come to terms that it is up to you to do better, now what? How do you do better? One of the things I did was write down what I wanted to see happen in my life. Start with a general plan and work your way backwards to specifics. This is key. People tend to get overwhelmed when they feel as if there plan has to be perfect. Don’t plan for perfection, plan for longevity. You are going to have moments of frustration when it comes to the changes necessary. I spoke to my therapist about how frustrated that I was that I wasn’t able to do some of the changes earlier?
Courtesy of Pexel PhotosSome things I had to learn not to obsess over during changes:
- Rome wasn’t built in a day-it will take time to change a long life of mistakes
- You are going to be okay through each phase of the changes
- Take your time and grace yourself through the bumps of life
Guilt of your Past
Listen I wish that once you made the changes and accepted the responsibility of your choices that it also meant that the simple guilt would go away but that isn’t the case. There are times things that I did in my 20s still haunt me. When I say haunt I mean live in my head rent free. The levels of the pain I was in or the pain I caused others still keep repeating themselves. One of the best things I do is use it to teach my kids and be vulnerable and honest with them.
Courtesy of Pexel PhotosGuilt is like a dull reminder of what you did to help you stay focused and not do it again. It’s not supposed to help you wallow. Wallowing is okay for a little bit to help you process your feelings but please do not stay there. It is dangerous to live in your guilt too long. Keep help. I speak to my therapist and she helps me to process a plan, we worked on emotional grounding and so much more.
Rewriting your Story
So today know that you have to be the one that takes the responsibility for your own actions. Your childhood trauma contributed its dose but its you that punches back, connects, and blows change into the atmosphere of your personal world. Own it. Don’t wallow in the grief of your past. It is hard though if we are honest. Get some help behind you. Rewriting your story takes guts. My story comes from a mother who was presumably on drugs and a deadbeat father who still won’t take responsibility for his actions. Yet I am raising my 3 beautiful children in a two parent home, college educated, and owning my business. The good story that you see now has a dark and challenging path.
I choose daily to show up in my own life and the lives of those around me. There’s nothing you can’t do. Even in my toughest day I know that my bad isn’t my worse. That gives me strength to get up and make things happen.
