In today’s blog we are going talk about therapy and the church. If you saw the title and thought that I was going to bash the church I am not. This is an informative blog based upon my own personal experience with being in the church. My whole life and introducing therapy into my life around my late 20s wasn’t easy. So why is therapy looked down upon where church people or how we will call them Church Folks?
Who are the Church?
The church no matter where you worship is a building. When people especially those in Black churches say, the Church they simply mean the people and the institution of Church Folks. Both of my parents were ministers and therefore in my life I was around the Church Folks my whole life. There is a lot that I can dissect but that’s for another blog on another day. Now that we have clear that we aren’t talking about God or the building but the people in the building let’s proceed.
Just Talk to the Pastor
This is a phrase I heard my whole life. When your kids were acting up, marriage on the edge, or anything happening in your life the Church Folks ran to the Pastor. Now again I am not bashing that. Having someone to talk to is great no matter who it is. The issue of having the “talk to the Pastor” mentality is that no one was ever encouraged to speak to anyone else. Even those who are licensed like a therapist or even sometimes a doctor are treated as a last or not even a resort or resource. We need more dialogue about how great having a Spiritual leader is but also combining licensed therapist or doctors become apart of the conversation too.
Open for More Abuse
Talking to the Pastor means you are only getting their perspective. There’s nothing wrong with that to a certain extent. In my opinion growing up there were times like in times of abuse, hurt, and danger where conversations need to shift beyond them. There were times the police and the resources needed to extend from the Pastor to a professional. There were times when Church Folks hide child and spousal abuse for an example amongst themselves because they “handled it.” Often times the victims were left powerless and still being abused further. This is not hearsay but the truth.
Postpartum and Pray On It
When I was diagnosed with postpartum depression with my second child I went through many who I spoke to that told me to simply pray on it. No one said anything further. When I needed to take medication I was told that taking medication was unnecessary and that I was allowing the Worldly Therapist lead my life away from God. By Worldly just in case you have never been around Church Folks is anyone who is not in the Church (Church Folks).
So I was alone because I needed help and simply praying on it wasn’t working alone. I was told I didn’t have faith and not anchored in God enough so that is why prayer wasn’t working. Mind you I hadn’t been around the Church Folks I had grown up by then for at least 2 years. I still was connected to many of the members and these were the dialogues.
Therapy and God
I continued thankfully with my postpartum treatment which included 3 months of medication slowly weaned off. Continued therapy once a week for 6 months. Will continue to use therapy as an effective tool to this day. I am a woman of Faith. As a woman of Faith I believe in God. I love the Lord. However there are people placed on this Earth like Doctors and Therapists who have been trained to help and assist. So although I may be looked at with a huge side eye I know many who are hurting because they have been shunned. This need to look like everything is together had plagued my whole life.
People Pleasing Skills Fine Tuned
I didn’t even realize that my work ethic and people pleasing skills was fine tuned in church. I learned how to cry silently and cover my depression. Everyone looking polished and moving along as life wasn’t hitting them at home was common. Too many of those I went to church with are still struggling with major issues. My prayer is that they find freedom in getting peace here on Earth. That peace may need prayer, medication, therapy and anything else that will aid in helping them be better.
Combine Spiritual Leadership and Other Tools
There’s nothing wrong with seeking your Pastor’s spiritual guidance. They bring in a wealth of information from what they know, understand, and were taught. This is simply the notion that we have to pretend that further help outside of our Pastors are needed. If you as a Leader aren’t equipped to handle it, refer to a therapist. There are many Christian based therapist who use both the Church and mental health helps to help.
We have to open our eyes so that we aren’t looking good and going home empty. It’s not enough to love the Lord, be a faithful member of a church, and live empty and unfilled lives that need help. I encourage you to get the help in what you need. Just like if you need help with nutrition and seek a Nutritionist do what is best for you for the areas of your life.
If you are looking for what to expect as you navigate therapy make sure you pay attention to below:
