When I was deep in my postpartum depression I would cut off my friends. Right after the birth of my son after moving from Lancaster to Philadelphia I felt isolated. I was isolated because in my mind I had told myself that this move was only less than 2 hours away and that it wouldnt’ change anything. I was wrong. I was blinded by having my family under one roof that I didn’t consider a few things.
One of the biggest things was the lack of support. I had my immediate family and one of my best cousins and my friend that I didn’t think that would change. I thought I have a car I and I could get in it and see them anytime I wanted. My oldest was super easy in how I traveled with her that I never took into account how much more harder it would be to travel with 2 kids would be. For a day trip it took me the day before prep and an hour just to get them into the car with everything that was needed that often times I elected not to travel. That in itself also made it hard on me because then I would be upset that I couldn’t travel as often. So after getting past that blow I would get the kids together and go. Trust me the come back was harder. I felt comfortable being in Lancaster and I would take a day or two to adjust to the pressures that I was under and having these little people who needed me.
The other issue is that I didn’t have a network of my own friends in Philadelphia. I love my husband’s friends but they were his not mine. I didn’t want to have them as my friends on the strength of them being nice to me because of him. He and his friends had history that I didn’t have. I didn’t want to be the wife of his and they extend some type of olive branch because we were together. I am the type of person who has friends on mutual respect, great closeness and I no longer felt that way since my access to my network had changed. I pushed the long distance ones away too because it didn’t feel the same. I learned through this season that this was the wrong way to approach things. Not only that so was sitting in the house day in and day out wasn’t the best way to meet anyone. So I was stuck and miserable for years like this.
Thank goodness my friends were forgiving and understanding as only one ever knew what was happening. Only one of them had the sense to address me on it and call me out. I appreciate that. That isn’t a dig to anyone so don’t take it as such. Not many of them saw me when I would have outbursts. I did well in open environments and to this day this is one of the reason why I do NOT like pop ups. I need to prepare for visits. It’s not personal it’s that I know what I need and I make others respect it even if they don’t like it. I am not ashamed of that.
I learned how to love myself, how to show love and most importantly how to let others in. I learned that I didn’t have to carry everything alone and that support looks different when you don’t hold on to the ideologies of what its supposed to be. Change is hard but in change you find that the ones who have your back won’t change.
Cherish your friendship. As you progress through various stages of life, some friend will drop off. There’s nothing you can do about that. Show love and support no matter how far and near your friends are who have been in your corner through it all. Know that disagreements and bumps in the road are to be expected. Remain respectful at all times. If a friendship does end make sure you try to work it out. Don’t throw a whole friendship over an emotional off the bat without calming down, talking it out, and attempting to make peace.
To all of my girlfriends who have nurtured me and have stood the test of time, I salute you!!!!! Thank you for being amazing women to me during these years. I pray I can continue to sprinkle the same love your way for the years to come!
