I don’t know who needs to hear this but NO is the answer. NO is a full on statement. With September being self-improvement month it’s important that we flex our NO muscles. No is a full sentence.
Afraid of NO
So many adults want to flex how grown they are until it’s time to say NO. I get it. We are afraid to truly walk in real grown-ness. Do you know how long I waited to flex my NO?! When you’re a baby you’re told NO. As a child that grows up NO is used a protection. NO is a strong word to a kid. When you’re not a kid anymore, NO is a super power. We have to use it and use it well.
NO is Final
This concept that we have to use NO with a follow up explanation is beyond me. NO is the explanation. Let’s give an example:
Get invited to something and you don’t want to go-it’s a NO. Not a NO because…No is the final answer. You will need this more especially when communicating with family. Have you ever noticed how many times family members disrespect your NO the most? They have an idea of what you should do, you don’t want to and it’s the long dreaded, why?! When you realize how grown you are, you can say NO and let it be! NO is not a sign of disrespect.
NO isn’t Childish
I cringe when I hear elders get mad at anyone younger than them say NO especially when you use it in a non disrespectful way. Saying NO is what it is. Telling an elder NO to a question can get you a whole speech or slapped depending on how you use it. Why?! I had an elder ask me for money I said NO. You would have thought I cursed. Meanwhile in Planet Earth, I said NO and kept on moving. I as an adult do not have to share my good finances with anyone I don’t want to. Annndddd let’s be clear I’m ok with the energy being reciprocated. NO isn’t childish it’s a way of life. Being an adult is about learning how to be okay letting folks sulk.
Folks Will Deal
You have to stop taking on other peoples emotions. I know it’s hard. It must be done! The very ones you are trying to protect, will adjust! Hearing NO from you they will be fine. I think after having my own children and being able to enforce the power of NO, I don’t even stand around watching adult tantrums. When another adult gets worked up over me saying NO I know good and well they got to be off in a wrong way.
For instance I’m not shielding my social media because I told you NO about coming to your event and you see me at another event. I may have not wanted to come, the other event could have been on the calendar first, or whatever the case. End of the day my NO is what it is. I’m not saying NO with a reason. NO is all that’s necessary. I remember having a friend say to me, why I couldn’t come. I said to her, is NO not enough?!
She stopped and looked at me and let me know she didn’t realize how bad ass that I was being. I didn’t say NO to be a badass I said NO cause it’s a full on answer. NO doesn’t always need a follow up! It’s not that I’m beyond giving a follow up but most situations don’t require it. This is why adults lie instead of just saying NO and moving on!
Self Improvement and No
What does saying NO have to do with self improvement? You can’t be your authentic self without walking in who you really are. When you find yourself not being able to filter through others peoples requests and ideals of you, it makes it harder for you to say NO. We all have had moments when you clam up around people. For some the ideal of people pleasing is real. You will pull on yourself in so many ways and find yourself mentally and emotionally exhausted. It’s draining. You will find yourself angry too.
Too Thin
I have to watch even with how I move in this “influencer” world that I evoke a strong NO. My emails and DM of my social media are always on and therefore is always full. People and brands that want me to feature a product. Not all of them I feature. I don’t want my page to be full of products. Am I picky? Yes! I want things I feel would be useful for my life and others. It has to fit and I use everything before showcasing them.
I say NO more than I say Yes. I know some who don’t. I’m not hungry for exposure that I just attach myself to things. I can do this in business because I don’t let it happen in my personal life either. It’s not as easy as people think to review, blog, make videos etc. for brands and balance it all. I am intentional to be sure I’m not running myself too thin. Who’s going to help me if I exhausted?
As you enter into a new season, remember how important it is to find balance. Use your NO muscles! NO is the answer. It’s not disrespectful. NO is necessary. It’s the beginning and end. Stop arguing your NO with other adults. Don’t feel obligated to give more than a NO! Stop feeling overwhelmed to be there for everyone at every moment. Balance. Exercise your NO muscles! Walk in that grown-ness!
