Sunday Message: Needing a Me

You ever heard of the phrase that you need a you. It means that the way that you support others and give to others is something you need in your life. When you feel as if you are extending yourself in this life and not getting in in return it sucks. So how do you balance this feeling of not getting a you and still finding enough love to be soft enough to help but strong enough to decline when someone isn’t deserving?

You Need Discernment

Discernment is the ability to check into your gut and know if someone is using you or not. We have all been burned by people. It doesn’t matter how much discernment we think we have someone is liable to get over. Discernment when you know it and ignore it is just being willingly used. So how do you tap into discernment? Often times asking questions, watching a person’s movement, as well as listening.

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As A Man (Woman) Speaks, So Is He/She

This is a parable and it simply means to take the time to listen. We don’t listen. We hear from where we want the person to be instead of where they are. Sometimes people tell us exactly where they are and we don’t even take it into consideration. Listen! You have to be able to take time to listen when people speak. Be quick to hear and slow to speak. People reveal their intentions in their conversations.

Where’s Your Village?

I used to think that my village had to be a certain way but often times we have to be open to the way that things are now. Take stock of who is in your village. You may have what you need when you learn to look out of a different lens. When I moved to Philadelphia, I didn’t have a traditional village, I still don’t. I started to notice that an Uncle had my back, my neighbor had this motherly way of showing care, etc. My village was there giving me the support I needed I just had to change glasses to see them.

Extend Less

Yes extend less. Sometimes the lesson is in doing less. We do too much. I do and you do. You have to sometimes stop giving people too much access to you. I had to learn that lesson. I was expecting people to be a me but wasn’t setting boundaries to protect myself. The one who is left holding the bag, is me. So I got smarter. Is my helping them making a difference or making them more and more structured on depending on you? If the answer moves towards dependency than you know that the answer lies in you setting up the parameters. People are more inclined to take if the taking is available. Stop them before it gets out of hand.

So we all need an us. We need to feel that we are being supported. Look around, your village is around you. You have to be able to see from a difference lens. Also keep in mind too that we have to be able to do less for people who aren’t deserving. Cut back in how you do things with people and use the discernment necessary to do what’s best for you.

Happy Sunday! Let’s make today the best that is possible.