Sunday Message: Building Bridges

Happy Sunday! Hoping you had or are having a great Sunday! With that being said often times when we find ourselves in bad situations with problematic people we tend to make sure we burn bridges. There are many times when building a bridge may be the best option even if that’s down the line. So when should you burn or build a bridge?

Burning Bridges: Sunday Encouragement

So I am always down for a good burning of a bridge. Burning a bridge with someone comes in the form of letting a relationship go down without saving it. You are done. So with being done, you get to the point where you disconnect access to you or your resources and vice versa. In order to burn a bridge you have to be willing to leave the person alone forever. Too many people who use this phrase loosely may not be fully capable of cutting ties. So if for instance it’s your parents and they finance your life or lifestyle you have to be willing to do your work. This may mean giving back things, moving forward without them, or working for the life you want.

It’s easier to say you’re willing to cut someone off from you that you do not need. There are a lot of needy people burning fake bridges but then also find imaginary helicopters to get things from them. Burning bridges only works when the relationship isn’t beneficial to you. So be wise in who you burn bridges with. 

Building Bridges at a Later Time

There have been times in my life that I have cut people off who I took access from. This means that unlike simply blocking them on social media, I closed communication in the real world. For the ones that come to mind it usually happens after a traumatic experience or an elevated conversation or argument. With therapy for me and I preface that it was a personal decision I ended up having a workable relationship years down the line. This means I am cordial and respectable but I don’t entertain them in my personal circles. There are also those who that hasn’t happened and may not ever happen.

Limited to No Contact

There are some that you can’t do that with no matter how much counseling is done.  Sometimes the peace is not having them in your life. This is hard for some. Have you ever heard no contact or limited contact? This is a phrase that is used to say that you are going with no talking to or limited talking to certain individuals. When people bring this up depending on the relationship people will tell you that you should consider. If your Mother didn’t protect you growing up and you have no contact with her people will say you only get one Mom. That usually means that it’s your Mother so you should be more understanding of her. This is dangerous. It doesn’t allow people to make healthy decisions for themselves. 

You may think its wrong to cut off a parent because of your personal beliefs. That doesn’t make it wrong for someone else. Everyone has to find peace in their life. The person going no contact has to ask themselves that if that person passes away are they going to be okay with their decision. Some will tell you that having a parent or person to whom they are in no contact is like having a dead parent or person here on Earth.

To Burn or Build a Bridge

People will tell you never to burn a bridge because you never know who you will need in the future. That is true in a lot of things. The way people perceives you is key. So if everyone knows you as problematic it will go before you no matter where you go. However building bridges take time. So if you burn one there’s no such thing as not being able to rebuild. You can rebuild any relationship if both parties want to. You will however lose  time. Sometimes time helps. For me when I had to let relationships go, they never go back to where they once were. I won’t open the door to that because I had to learn it’s okay to let things be. 

As a former people pleaser it’s easy to try to do what makes those around you comfortable. However as an adult at times it’s okay to let tensions flare. Sometimes separating and letting things calm down or deal with your part is helpful. Not always having to be “on” for others helps you to create a personal spacing that helps you navigate the future.

Sunday Encouragement 

Be open to building a bridge when both parties are willing to own their mess. If one or more are still pointing fingers instead of accepting their parts-it will not help build a bridge. Accountability has to be the second part of a building a bridge. Yes recognizing the wrong doing but also what you are willing to do to accept how you got to the wrong.  Apologize. Simply coming together and not saying the words I am sorry and with your actions will not repair or build a bridge. Also allowing time apart. Building a bridge can happen at any point of a broken relationship. It’s not a full once and done unless the parties want it that way. One thing I know you have to live you life with as much peace as you can. If building a bridge is going to be more problematic than healing leave the bride broken.

Having peace is important. Whether for you is to forgive but leave access from others works for you-do it. If building a bridge to others who you burned works for you, that is okay too. If burning the bridge and going back to inspect that the materials for the bridge are burned happens too.  Do what works for you. Own your mess. Accept your flaws and be willing to be at peace with those who allow it. Happy Sunday.