This week for many of us is a pain we have felt many times before. Since becoming a parent I see the world so much differently. I see pain in a real way. I see things afar off as I attempt to make sure that I raise my kids in a world where they will be accepted, to knock down doors if they aren’t, and to remain strong in themselves. That is in itself is a daunting task.
The pain that the world is facing burns. I remember feeling this pain every time I get a new alert that a black and brown person is killed,or a mass shooting. A major loss of life is super hard to deal with. I have been extra uneasy lately. I have had so much tears in my eyes so many times this week, that I feel that I needed to dip my eyes in Visine and live there.
Talk with the Kids
My husband and I had to sit our oldest two kids down to talk to them. We attempted to not talk to them about the recent death of George Floyd but they got on Zoom and their friends were talking about it. Now my husband and I have always tried to position ourselves to make sure that we are our children’s first teachers. It never even occurred to me that they would talk about it even during Quarantine. As I heard the misinformation being given from the students and the teacher doing her best to give he PG version, we looked at each other with shock and knew that Friday had to be the day. We initially wanted to keep the day light even though the night before my husband and I watched in pure horror as the riots continued. We had to talk to them as best as we could. Sitting down an 8 year old and a 11 year old wasn’t easy. We started the conversation how loved and cared for that they were and that’s how we ended. We talked about the history of racism and that as they got older they would unfortunately recognize it more. We told them about George Floyd and how his death sparked changed. We told them how fed up Black and Brown people were. We told them the truth. I saw my son’s face break. He was crying. My oldest was in shock. It was hard. We didn’t scare them but sometimes the truth can’t be sugar coated. We could no longer shield them because as hard as it was, the truth had to come from us.
Pain is a Teacher
I remember being a kid about my daughters age when a student called me a Nigger. She said it so eloquently and with such vigor. It broke my heart. It was my first time seeing racism come off the book and into real life. I was crushed. I remember my teacher asking me what name I wanted to be called because my name was so ethnic. I remember my teacher changing my grade because after all, I would be nothing more than a pregnant woman on welfare when I got older. This was all before the 6th grade. No one should have to endure. Think about, racism isn’t overt. Its a pain that teaches you that the world would attempt to reduce you to the color of skin. Its painful and it hurts. I remember that pain when I looked into my children’s eyes. These next couple of days, weeks, months, and years will be unsettling. I have no idea what it will look like, but I know I am trying to cope. I felt like I broke my own kids heart.
What Now?!
I have no clue. I have no antidotes, no cute phrases of encouragement that will make this go away. I want to wake up daily with intention. Be clear about boundaries with those who are problematic towards the fight. Keep my home a safe haven by not entertaining any issues or drama inside of it. I love the peace that we have here and I won’t let anyone interfere with it. I know that I am committed to raising well mannered children who are going to be trailblazers in their own right. I am committed to being better daily. I am dedicated to my kids’s well being both physically and mentally and with that increasing their counseling especially to be sure how they are doing with this recent sit down. I want my kids to learn about mental health and how to work towards a healthy mindset.
So although I feel sad and brokenhearted with the kids, I want to say that this is life and we will move forward. Times are hard and trouble won’t last always. I hope you are doing whatever you need for yourself during this time no matter where you sit on this. Tough times help make tough people.
For Sunday I suggest the following:
- DO what’s best for your mental health
- DO turn off the news when you need to-you’re not obligated to watch 24 hours
- DO not allow others to make you feel bad about how you feel and what you feel
- DO not let others dictate your level of allegiance to anything in particular
- DO practice self care
- DO love on yourself and your family
May your Sunday be filled with love! Sending you joy as much as it can fill your cup!
