I hear all of the time from people from all walks of life how having a child is a choice and its venting is okay. I agree with that for the most part but it doesn’t mean that from time to time you can’t be tired, need a break, or need to vent to be a “good” parent. Many parents are good to their children caring for all of their needs. A lot of them understand that having a child is a gift that many aren’t able to have. The thought that in order to be a good parent you must never talk about the highs and lows of parenthood is absurd.
Parenting Cost a Lot
I don’t just mean in money even though that is not to be underestimated too. They cost a lot in time, energy, and especially patience. Having children doesn’t come with a guide. So a lot of us are winging it trying to heal childhood trauma and keep our children happy and whole. It’s not for the faint. Parenthood opens up layers in most individuals that they aren’t even aware that they have closed until you experience it. It touches and pulls on your heartstrings in ways that can’t even be described. Many parents no matter if they are “seasoned” parents or not still have stress that increases daily while raising them.
No Days Off Allowed
When I had my first child I was instructed by parents, grandparents, friends, and other family members that my life was “over.” I wasn’t going to get sleep or have my own kind of fun. To a certain degree they were right. When you have children your time is tied. You can’t simply pick up or go anywhere without making provisions for your child. I was completely fine. A lot of old school family told me that the going out days would be over. That I understood as well. Clubs, bars, and girls trips don’t automatically come with a daycare section. However that guilt of my life being “over” played well into my ability to balance being a mom and still learning to love the new woman having a child brings. I had to learn that it was okay to be balanced personally and still be a “good” mom.
What is a Good Mom or Dad?
You have to be devoted to your children every second of the day. Society will tell you that mothers aren’t allowed to work outside of the home. If you do, you better be top notch at home and don’t you dare have outside interests. Dads are babysitters of their kids for the ones that are around. News flash, there are some amazing dads out here doing what’s best for their families while nurturing their children. I was told (by the them) my job was to be exclusive nurturs and anyway that I deny my own likes, needs, or desires is a detriment to my children.
News Flash: Happy Moms and Dad Make Great Parent
When I first started blogging which came after I was at my last child, it became apparent that I was floundering at motherhood already. I wasn’t fulfilling my own needs. I became short and elusive. As I began therapy, my therapist had to show me that the only one who’s needs weren’t being met was my own. I was a great cook, teacher, and wife to my family but I could be better if I managed my time. It took me a minute to learn it was okay to ask for help. Saying I needed some me time didn’t make me a bad mom. Taking a trip away from my family didn’t mean my kids would grow up thinking I didn’t love them. Having interests and balancing the woman with my other titles would make me stronger and happier.
Venting Doesn’t Mean Lack of Love
Listen, I am tired a lot. I have periods of stress trying to balance my titles. Venting about my ups and downs of parenthood doesn’t take away my love of my children. I talked on the Podcast, Awaken the Awesome about my youngest breaking my podcast equipment. That upsetness didn’t mean I had to chastise her physically or love her less. I talked to her about what is my things and how its disrespectful to touch.
Also making her do small tasks to stimulate paying it off so she understands that things cost when you break it. It means loving her and still being able to express that frustration. Many parents experience these types of frustrations. Saying them out loud isn’t a badge of not loving being a parent. It simply means you are human. Like so many other parents, we dust off our frustrations, dig deeper, and find a new way to parent and love our babies.
Balancing Act
It is okay to learn how to be better. Any parent who loves their child is walking a daily walk of mishaps, correction, lesson learning, and resets. That is truly how it goes. We do our best to give our children our best. It’s not easy. Some days are easier than others but being a parent is rewarding. Although we are aware of our blessings to be parents, its not to be confused with also seeing the side we don’t talk about-its frustrating.
Parenting is hard. You go from the first year of trying to keep a tiny human alive to learning that they are their own individuals. They are a loan from Heaven as we learn to help shape them into the dynamic people they were destined to be. Add on social media, life challenges, and the way the world is shaped and parents have their hands full. As a parent its not about asking for someone to feel sorry for them, its about understanding that grace in this full time, never off, no pay, but huge responsibility needs a venting or two to get through! So to all of my parents, I see you! It’s okay-do your best!
