When was the last time you started over? Today is National Start over day. There are a lot of reasons as to why someone may feel compelled to start over. It could be from failing. Failure although it’s not ideal can be the very thing that drops you into your most successful spot in life. Starting over can be from realizing that you needed a change. Change hurts. It is necessary but it can be from a place of pain and joy at same time.
Reasons from Starting Over
You must define your reasons to starting over. For me a when I had my oldest, I started over. It was barely a year after her birth, and I was in and out of the hospital due to her being sick. She was 34 weeks at birth and in the NICU. She has outgrown her sicknesses. I spent days in the hospital at a time with limited support. So, I moved to Philadelphia after my job downsized. It was the perfect time. I was laid off, a sick baby, a new fiancé, and it just made sense. So, my starting off felt like a mix of failures, circumstances, and more. It felt like pain and some joy at the same time.
Before I had my oldest my life was a mess. I contributed to the mess all on my own. Bad decisions, dating the wrong person, constantly partying like I was in college led me into a lot of things I had no business in. However, amid failure I learned about myself. It was hard. Trying to fix your life like the show, before it became popular is the hardest. You must endure the fallout from your decisions. It’s not a cake walk. I am a witness you can do the work to become better.
Steps in Starting Over
Like with anything else you must be willing to be honest about your failures. There are a few folks you should never lie to. That is your doctor, police, judge, God, and yourself. So, if you find that you are living a lie within yourself change it. The best place for healing to start is in the truth. I was constantly lying about things and the things I had going on to keep people away from me.
It was a great way to divert attention to other places. In the end those lies didn’t help me be the best version of myself. I had to unlock what I thought and especially what others thought I should have done.
With Honestly Comes Work
I got real one day. Doing things like unfolding them took a lot of work. For instance, I got my credit reports, went to the doctor, worked with a nutritionist, and then instead of using my church hurt as an excuse to go away from God I found ways for me to get closer. This didn’t always mean walking back into my home church. Others was big mad about that however it was a decision that was the best for me. After finding out I was pregnant I began to form a strong bond around myself.
I only allowed certain people in my circle. There was so much speculation that I had to learn to let folks think what they wanted. FYI, I had my first child at 28 and was being treated like a teenager. I learned quick to let the folks speak. When the stuff was getting back to me, I just silently marked them.
When I had my oldest, I didn’t allow a lot of folks around both of us. I kept the circle small to give me a chance to be the mom I needed to be for her. In addition, I took parenting classes. This was to ensure that I was giving my daughter the best chance at success. It worked for me. The work was therapy, keeping folks out of my marriage, and more. We live a private life even with the blog.
Let’s Start Over
Now that you are real and honest and ready to work, what else? Get the right people in your corner. These aren’t the folks that are used to telling you how right you are in situations. The people in your corner have a balance with correction and admonishing you. So, team players in your success will matter most. A lot of folks that were on my team in my messy moments aren’t on my team now. How do you know how to drop them? Anyone who makes it hard for you to be honest, true, and work towards your goals is time to cut off. Cutting them off can be hard but necessary. Listen to this podcast episode to help you cut off your quiet enemies.
Too Good for your Past
You will be confronted with your past in many ways. I am confronted by it often even in my daily work. For instance, I am always challenging myself to be there for my kids in the ways that they need me. So, when I am parenting them the trials of my childhood knocks on my door often. It stretches me sometimes to do be present. If you ever had a childhood where you couldn’t be free watching your kids be free is a blessing and a place of discontentment. I take these moments to my therapist. The work doesn’t stop just because you have the tools. You must pick up new tools often.
Messages from your past
Sometimes I will get a message in the form of a text, social media message, or phone call from someone in my past. It has been happening more often than now. I know why. There’s always a test in the testimony. If I will respond to folks, the way in which I have in the past is a challenge. The other challenge is to see if I am still committed to my new lifestyle. Trust me I have seen it all. My husband and I have open conversations about it often.
You’re not Alone
So, if you need to start over today know that it is possible to do the work. It will be hard. Your past doesn’t simply go away. It is ever present. Certain things, people, smells, and anything else can challenge you. It is going to be okay. Be honest with yourself. Do a deep dive into area. Start with your body. Go to the doctor and get a game plan on being health. As you get healthier in your body and mind will work together. Change what you entertain and who you entertain.
Let nature help you eliminate the dead weight in all things but work hard to be open to new people and experiences. I believe in you and the work ahead will have some gray days. When it comes remember the past. Don’t look at it as a distraction. I constantly remind myself of where I have come from. Not only does it keep me humble, but it helps me to frame my present and my future.
