I’ve heard this phrase so many times within the last few years. Men who live single lives but are legally married to their wives and treat their wives like the side chick. Sometimes the women do not know because the man is living double lives. Sometimes the women know but don’t think they deserve more.
Women are programmed to believe that when she marries it’s the start of real womanhood. Marriage is another element but not the start. We live in a society where it’s like a mad dash to obtain a man’s last name that marriage is no longer even respected. Weddings are the goals.
If you are married to a man that doesn’t honor, respect, and provide a covering for your heart and mind you are just in a contractual agreement and make it easy for a man to have a separate life from you. I get it I was single and thinking omg I need to get married, I want companionship, I want the fanfare but it’s better to be single than married and alone. Ask a married woman who has a man in that bed every night and still he’s attached to something or someonelse – it’s torture.
The goal is to find someone who you can build a life with not someone who is out building a snowman with someonelse. I’m just saying. If you allow a man to mistreat you in these regards you will have a lifetime of heartache. Some men will marry a woman to quiet the nag, to avoid child support remember it’s cheaper to keep her, or because it benefits them financially. Yes not all men but there are many out there who live by these creeds.
I actually dated a man who had never had his own place and dated women he thought would take care of him. Needless to say once I caught on I left fast. You have to set the standards for how you are treated. Don’t accept anything just so you end up with nothing because you will have nothing. Don’t be a side chick in a marriage. Why get married to be the one only to end up playing second fiddle.
If you find you are in this marriage of convenience you have to really think if this is what you want to continue. I would say work it out set the standard it’s never too late to command respect. If your mate can’t handle that we’ll it’s time for him to roll. Lets not confuse this with oh we are having issues he must have a side chick. Let me mentally enter my side eye. Marriage is work there will be issues but if your man is spending nights at another woman’s home, booed up with another woman while you are at work, or enjoying his evenings entertaining and he ain’t got no R&B contract with nobody’s major record label then….look into it and make your exit plan or lay down the law.
My grandparents have been married for over 50 years and my parents well over 20 so yes it can be done but you have to be willing to do the work. However don’t go into a situation when your internal alarm is telling you no and you see the red flags telling you a man isn’t all in to avoid loneliness and acceptance.
