Black maternal health is a topic that shouldn’t have to be. However many Black women will not live to see their babies grow up. I am ready to share my birth story of my youngest. I and my husband was not planning on having another one. It depends on who you ask but I wanted to get my tubes tied. Once I made the appointment what I didn’t do was protect myself until the tube tying process took place. None of our kids were planned. Not one. Let me explain what I mean by that before all the moms of the world come at me.
Baby planning
When you have the notion to plan your children, it’s an expectation and excitement of planning. For me legitimately it wasn’t as easy as the text books make it sound at finding out about the pregnancy. I love and had love for them, how could I not? However it took a hot minute for me to accept that the baby was coming and to embrace what I was mentally and emotionally dealing with. I know some moms understand what I mean. Having kids is no easy task. Thinking about the pain, the stress, and just being protective over this baby from the time you find out until your life or theirs end is a LOT.
Bundle of Joy on the Way?
So as I began to accept that a new baby was on its way, my stress level went up. I started having migraines. They were debilitating. I went to work everyday in spite of being in the worst possible pain. Then one day my boss was talking to me and I stopped him and walked away. I was saying to myself what in the holy world did you do? I went to the bathroom and I am in there crying hysterically. No one knew I was in there so I had to get myself up and get back to the office.
What’s Happening?
I got back and I looked dark, I felt dark and I called my husband and told him please take me straight to the hospital. While there they hook me up to the monitors. I fell asleep after monitoring my baby and finding out she was okay. When I woke up it was 735pm and I had been in the hospital since 11am. I don’t remember what doctors or nurses had been in there to check on me.
When I woke up and realized what time it was I knew they were going to keep me. If they thought I could have medication and go home surely I would be home by then. The doctor came in and her face was flushed. So I started crying off the bat. Here I had a blood clot in my left lower brain. I was devastated. My husband came as I heard the news and I couldn’t even think.
24 Hours to Change
As I was admitted and several neurologist came in, my life changed at that moment. I would have to take Lovenox via injections two times a day. I hate needles. Like me and needles could never go together. I thought, I would have to stop working, but I didn’t. After a few days and some rest at home I was back at work. The issue now was that I have to get my blood drawn every 2 days to make sure I am in the levels I need to be to be safe. This was the most irritating thing in the world. I had to keep going back to the pharmacy getting new shots every time the range was wrong.
Shots Gone Wrong
I did this a few times a week. All the while, my little bit was perfectly fine and baking. Back and forth I was in the hospital. I made up in my mind this was the last child. I made the decision for myself. Even if my husband had disagreed and he didn’t agree; I wasn’t having a child by any man, science, or immaculate conception. Team NO MORE BABIES was in full effect. It wasn’t my babies fault but my pregnancies haven’t been easy and I personally was done with being pregnant.
It’s Baby Time
As we got close to full term, I had to meet with a specialized team of surgeons. All 3 of my kids were C-section births. I couldn’t just plop into the hospital to have her with a blood clot in my brain. No ma’am. We set the date for February 17th. I knew when and what time. The day before I had to stop my Lovenox at the right time. They ran extra tests but then there was an emergency that came ahead of me and I was pushed back. So with my husband and parents there we had to wait. They wheeled me in and surgery went well. I had to have blood on stand by. Shout out to my special donor. He drove from Lebanon PA to Philadelphia to make sure I would be okay.
Black Maternal Health and Mortality
Right after her birth everything seemed fine, until after recovery. I get to my room, my husband, kids, and mother in law are there and they checked me to make sure all was well. Well, it wasn’t. They made everyone leave my room, the doctor stabbed me in my leg with drugs, and reached her hand in and pulled out this almost baby sized blood clot. The worst of what we feared had happened. They got me stable and I went on with all the newborn baby stuff. A day later I went to take a shower and I felt this pain like labor. I pull on the cord, staff came in running, another baby sized blood clot and they repeat what they did the day before. So back on my Lovenox to make sure I was safe.
Homeward Bound
Discharge day was great. I thought the worst had passed. I get home and I am getting comfortable. Some family came over to visit. My son is super excited to see me, he’s about 2 at this point. He jumps on top of my belly before we could catch him. I said I had a C-section right? I screamed out in pain. After which I tell my husband please take me and the new baby upstairs. I got in the bed and I felt a pop. It was the worst thing I could have ever felt. I blacked out several times.
My husband called the ambulance although I asked him not to. Had he not I wouldn’t even be here writing this. I wake up to see this tall, strong, sexy man holding me who was not my husband. It was a firefighter. In the back of my mind, I am thinking Lord I am in pain, you ain’t got time to admire this man but hey I am human right? So enough of looking at this stranger and it’s off to the hospital.
Internal Bleeding
Back to blacking out I get to the hospital and they already know about me and my chart. Being even more frightened than ever, a nurse tells me that I was the most riskiest patient on the floor. I was the whitest Black woman they had ever seen my doctor told me. Back in the room I learned that I had lost a lot of blood and had internal bleeding but the issue was they can’t do surgery because of the blood clot in my brain would make it too risky. I could bleed out and die. I had to wait.
So they made me comfortable and after a few hours I began several blood transfusions. My husband had to take care of all 3 kids including a breastfed newborn on his own. I was going through the worst pain in life, holding onto life, and worrying about feeding my daughter. Although there were some bad apples in the bunch I had the best nurses on my floor. They would actually pump my breast for me so my child could get what she needed. I was in the hospital for over a week. I am just super glad to be alive.
You’re Fine
That’s what a tech told me when they made me walk from the transport bed for the MRI. FYI this was the same night I came in from the ambulance. I’m pale and I’m bleeding out and I’m being told I’m fine! I wasn’t fine. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get anyone to listen to me. I felt unheard and I thought I might be dying. Pain medicine was limited to Tylenol. Tylenol for a major surgery and trauma? I couldn’t understand why they attempted to make me walk, a fall risk, patient with known internal bleeding and a blood clot in the brain but here we were. I was told she’s just being extra by an X-ray tech. What?!
Scared and Afraid-the Tale of Black Maternal Health
This was a lot of trauma to have experienced after a major surgery. All of this pain and being told all I need is Tylenol. My pain threshold was high and that I would be fine. I had to call a friend who was studying to be a doctor to help me communicate to them. She told my husband the exact words to use. Many people don’t have doctor friend in their arsenal. So what do they do? Grin and deal?
Thus the maternal rate for Black women is unfortunately high. Those charged with our care consider that we have a high pain tolerance or that we aren’t being honest when we state that we are in pain. Many women understand this and unfortunately die giving birth or from complications after the fact.
Follow Up
I was still under a doctor’s watchful eye for about 6 months following that encounter. I still get migraines and when I do it’s an immediate call to my doctor. The blood clot hasn’t gotten bigger or disappeared so its something I have to always be aware. I breastfed this little girl and took her to work everyday for 6 months. Yes to work with me. I handled an office, clients, and nursed a newborn without missing a beat. Then at 6 months we put her in daycare with her brother and she wouldn’t drink from a bottle. I had made enough milk for her but she wouldn’t drink it. It got bad that we had to give her diluted apple juice until I got home.
Nursing Problems
When it began apparent with no matter what we did, I had to temporarily work from home. She kept nursing until a little after 2. To be honest it was almost to 3! I prayed and asked God to help me wean her. On tv, it always looks so easy but in real life it wasn’t at all. She has progressed well. The only issue is that after my husband had been home with her right after birth when we came home she wouldn’t go to him or anyone else. I mean no one. You could hold her for tops 5 minutes. She was a mommy’s girl. I wanted her and still want her to be more independent and trust and believe shes’ getting there but I do miss the snuggle days.
Noelle is a ball of fire. She gives the best side eyes. My daughter has attitude and if she doesn’t like she doesn’t act fake. In addition, she just walks off like she didn’t hear you but she does. She is lovable. One of the the sweetest face in the world and she knows you know she is cute.
I would love for mothers to be heard. For Black Mothers to be able to have a higher chance of living through delivery. We live in richest country of the world and a group of Mothers are at disappointing numbers to simply go home with their babies. Let us be heard, be respected, and be well.
Resources for Black Maternal Health Week:
- Black Mamas Matter Alliance
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- Proclamation from White House
Help with Black Maternal Health:
