Tomorrow’s podcast will feature Amy Cothern a Stay at Home Mom and Podcaster who is leading a change with other stay at home moms. I will be using SAHM throughout this blog. Stay at home moms or SAHM have a lot on their plates. This isn’t a debate on who’s better. If you’re a mom or parent you understand the depth of raising children. Here’s how my SAHM experience went.
An Agreement was Made
My job was downsized. I had been in and out of the hospital with my oldest since she was born. It made sense that when they were looking to cut numbers I would be included. I had just gotten engaged and at the time my fiancé lived in Philadelphia while I lived in Lancaster. The move to Philly seemed like a great idea. It would cause our family to be united as one. However I had agreed to a 5 year live in situation with my fiancé and his mother as a way to eliminate debt before we got married.
Another Baby?
Upon my moving in I discovered I was pregnant again. So now I had a toddler and a baby in my belly. It didn’t make sense with me just newly moving to look for employment. I would be a SAHM. It sounded on the surface like a great idea. I was excited to be the caretaker of my children. I didn’t have to worry about access to money. All of my needs were met and I felt secure. The new baby’s arrival brought on a level of postpartum I hadn’t experienced with my oldest and I was unprepared.
Unchecked Needs
I had lived on my own for quite some time so living with my Mother in Law became problematic. As with any Mother in Laws I had not checked into what I needed. I was playing mom and team member for our family without checking in with myself. My fiancé tried everything he could to make me happy. If I wanted something I got it-still unhappy. The problems escalated to the point when I realized I needed to move out. I told my fiancé to find us a house as a whole unit or find me a space for the me and the kids. He at the time didn’t know I had already packed most of my items. I was serious.
Taking Care of Kids without Taking Care of You
We think that when we have children that our lives are to be about them and they alone. I hadn’t taken care of my health. I had gained so much weight. My mental health wasn’t good. I was miserable. It spilled over in how I took care of my children. I felt resentment. It was time to really get myself together. No more blaming everyone else. This was my personal responsibility for allowing red flags to occur. I had allowed things to happen around me of which I participated in my own neglect. Read more in my 5 year story!
Getting Back to Me
With the help of my doctor, I began to lose weight. I did a full check up on my health. There were neglected areas. Attacking each and every area is how I am here today. I no longer needed medication to work through my postpartum depression. I wanted to get back to work as a source of supporting me again. My fiancé turned husband supported me. It was time to end my SAHM journey but not without some lessons:
- Be honest about your needs
- Speak up
- Take time away from your kids
- Find your voice
- Get a hobby or passion project
- Keep your relationship a priority
- It’s okay to not be okay
- There is no perfect parenting
I’m not upset about the journey of being a Stay At Home at all. That season of my life made me who I am. I mother my children better because of that experience. I’m able to understand their needs in ways I don’t think I would have had I not been home. However being a mom who is financially supporting herself works best for me. I learned that. I would say to all SAHM if you’re able to get a hobby or passion project that is exclusively yours.
Stay strong, hydrated, nourished in food and mind to all my moms no matter if you’re working from home, working out of the home or are a SAHM. Parenting is no easy task.
