So Mother’s Day is coming up and we as moms will be thanked for all the things that we do. But I need to take a pause on the things that we as mom get, the no manual life.
There is no manual yet a thousand fingers point in telling you how it should be done. They tell you what’s acceptable and what’s not. Outside of neglect and abuse these fingers that point don’t get how much all the criticism breaks you down.
When I first became a mom my daughter was sick due to being born 6 weeks early. All of a sudden I had a thousand folks telling me how to dress her, how to stay home and never go out, how I was doing it wrong and I was gonna mess around and make her worse. The crazy part is that due to her health I had to rely on my doctor and even with following every protocol, guess what? She was hospitalized too many times to count. I sat in the hospital with great support BUT the ones pointing their fingers wasn’t visiting or calling to check on the baby. The same ones wasn’t lifting a finger. My second hospital visit I made up my mind to trust my instincts and that I wasn’t allowing folks to tell me what to do with my baby.
Now don’t get it twisted that didn’t mean I wasn’t listening to sound advice. It simply meant I wasn’t allowing folks to stress me with their bad advice who wasn’t going through what I went through nor had they been around a preemie who had asthma and all that it entails. It meant walking away mid sentence when people crossed the line. It meant shaking my head and disregarded 80% of folks. It meant not even giving information to people who too many times would only want to know so I could hear later down the line “you know she messing that baby up.”
Guess what?! As I ignored the negativity, my confidence spiked. I was able to let my guard down and enjoy motherhood. I was able to develop my own protocols. My daughter and I became closer. We were a pair and we were happy and eventually healthy. She will be 9 this month and my support system has changed but not by much. The reason is simple, smaller tighter circles is how I roll. Simple parenting works for me. No more high stress. And now with 2 more kids since my first one, we are doing quite well.
Every first time mom I encourage them to trust themselves. To get around like-minded parents or those with sound advice that works for them. To worry less about trying to please everyone! There is no manual but you can get through those first years weeding out the bad or outdated information. You can mix some old school with new! You can trust yourself!
