Last week we covered road trips and this week we are going to cover emotional regulation. I know it seems off for a summer series but if you read my blogpost last week about triggers during summer break you know that this aligns. It’s one thing to do fun things during the summer but it’s another thing to make sure that your mental health is a priority. Contrary to belief not everyone is light and ready for summer fun. So, let’s talk about emotional regulation, small ways to make big steps, and ways to take charge in your personal world.
What is emotional regulation?
It is the ability to control your emotions to prevent things like emotional outburst and more. This isn’t the ability to never have emotional issues, but it is the ability to control your reactions to the things and people around you. So, if you are having the angry outburst that I talked about last week you may be dysregulated and need some tips to help you. So why do we have dysregulation in our emotional state?
The lack of regulation can cause issues in almost every relationship including how you feel about yourself. Some of the examples of dysregulation is Disruptive, personality disorders, bipolar disorder, and more. Although I am not a therapist or licensed mental health provider, I do want to highlight this so that if you “see” yourself you can go to one of those licensed professionals to seek help.
Personal Symptoms of Emotional Dysregulation
I have spoken about this before but severe depression as well as anxiety can be apart of the inability to have emotional regulation. For instance, if you see a child have a tantrum you are in a bind to know how to handle it. Do you punish that child for the outburst, or do you help them regulate? If you are an adult with issues with personal regulation, how do you assist a child (whether yours or not) to regulate?
Adults have their own tantrums. I have seen it and so have you. When people are hollering and screaming on top of their lungs about an issue can be an outward manifestation. Let me tell you of a personal story that helped me to get the help that I needed.
An Argument that revealed Childhood Trauma
A few years I got into an argument with two of my aunts on my dad’s side. I let them have it because at the time I was hurt by what was being said. However even though we spoke on matters that had triggered a recent issue it landed on how I felt about them and other family members from my childhood. There were moments where I, my twin, and mom wasn’t accepted. Some of it stemmed from adult situations that at the time I was too young to understand.
Now as an adult I knew for sure I was still paying the price of those adult situations. As the then adult it was now time for me establish boundaries. However, I didn’t handle it right. I took it upon myself to verbally make them pay for what they did and said from all the years the disrespectful behavior was displayed. Even though both parties in my opinion was wrong, my lack of control emotionally made the situation go to a head.
Going No Contact
It was from that situation that I went no contact with both aunts, grandparents, and cousins of my dad’s side. I take full responsibility of that no contact. Things like changing my phone number, blocking them on social media and more was way for me to place peace in the situation. However, I saw how I responded and didn’t like what I saw. It was that and the state of my marriage at this time that drove me to intense therapy.
In the therapy I learned about myself, my part, childhood Triggers, and ways to handle. Eventually like my therapist would say I would eventually run into them. As I confronted them on smaller scales this time with the tools of self-regulation, I was able to control my emotions but speak up for myself. The relationships are still not 100% but this is only based upon what it looked like before.
Now I know that forgiveness doesn’t always mean full restoration. That was hard to comprehend.
What are ways to self regulate?
There are a lot of ways. This is not simply acknowledging you must make a change it is setting yourself up for success. Things like psychotherapy, therapy, medications, and cognitive behavior change, and practice.
Here are some apps you can use in addition to ERT (Emotional Regulation Therapy):
• Mindfulness Practices
• Meditation
• Circles use code TOITIMEBLOG
• Calm
• How we Feel
• Happify
So, you are not alone if you find yourself in emotional dysregulation however it is up to you to change it. I took responsibility for that huge emotional outburst. It doesn’t change who and what was at fault. It does change me in the long run to become a healthier version of myself.
