So this quarantine limits outside interactions to a certain degree. I haven’t seen my extended family and friend. I haven’t put gas into my car for now 6 weeks. My outside time has been extremely limited. So there’s a lot of time on my hands.
Work on it!
So yes I can work from home as I’ve done many times before this shut down! I’m able to handle my responsibilities and thrive. However with the busyness of my personal and blog life I am at a small standstill to a certain aspect. No events have allowed me to continue to deep dive in a lot of ways. I’ve made a lot of strides that I set for the second half of the year! Kudos to me for it! However there were things, relationships, and ideas that I had on my heart that I’m actively having to dive into.
Time isn’t my Friend
Time is smushing itself against one another. Everyday looks the same. Some days I’m optimistic and other days I find I’m journaling personal trials to help to get me through. I’m finding places I thought needed more work is fine. That reveals that some things I was pushing harder into I can let up on. There are other areas that I need to make a priority. The ways in which these ideas need change is revealing itself in weird ways.
Mute Yourself
So we are on Zoom calls or at least some of us are. What happens when you find yourself needing to mute yourself in real life? One of my pet peeves are contentious people. The folks that have something to say for everything. You say the sun is yellow, they refute it. You talk about your marriage being good and they have to let you know that not all marriages are that way. It’s like Captain Obvious to a max! However the ones who I’m experiencing this issue with isn’t because they are the issue I feel I’ve come to the conclusion that my unspoken issues with them makes me magnify what they say more. So now I’m muting myself to find the real root and confront me in it! Yup I am the problem.
Unchecked Bags
Unchecked bags never make it to their final destination and the same works in relationships. When you aren’t honest with your spouse or friend etc the baggage will not allow the relationship to stand. I was watching Insecure and it pulled this right out of me as I’m watching Molly and Issa go through another bout of unchecked baggage. I have a Molly a few of them in my life. Molly isn’t staying and actually I’ve had this conversation with my husband regarding it a year ago. Before we go there he is not Molly.
Self Reflection Stings
You ever fall on the ground where you have that first small layer of skin scrape but there’s no real blood? It stings. That’s how self reflection feels at time. You know you have issues and you may even know what they are but it stings. You are mad that you didn’t check the baggage but you realize that as the bags get lost it was meant to happen but it stings as you attempt to replace the bags.
Quarantine Changes
Due to us not being able to move and honestly life as we know it won’t be the same, we have time to think. My solution to not letting the reflection overtake me is to write down where my thoughts are taking me! Is what I’m feeling valid. Life for instance my Molly, they were an issue before the quarantine. Molly will have to be let go of! Molly and I haven’t been on the same wave for quite some time and probably won’t after the quarantine either. Molly has been an amazing friend when I thought amazing meant showing up in some areas but not showing up in others. Friends change when you as an individual grows.
Fizzles happen
So to my Molly before I deal with the blossom and fizzle of the relationship I plan to deal with where I am now and what I actually need and want. I will be using this time to work on ME. The mirror that life is not the same means I have to change myself. I have to admit where I allowed things to get this far! Change stings. Change is ever changing.
What Now?
I hope you continue to do self reflections daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly! Self reflection means stop worrying about outside influences. As my husband and I attack household goals we are finding all kinds of gems. Those gems are making us talk more than ever about the what if’s and having things aligned especially for the sake of the kids. It’s a good conversation!!
Dismissal
This Monday know if you are finding that on top of surviving that you too have this urgency of self reflection on your plate, it’s normal. If you find at the end of this you don’t have the capability of holding onto people, things, etc the way you did before this, it’s okay! It’s okay to prioritize you and hold yourself to a standard and others around you as well, it’s okay! What you are feeling is because as pause interaction the ones that show us what we already knew was there we must accept the viewpoint. You knew what you were seeing was there but you were caught up in life and kept telling yourself you will deal with it later. You don’t have later. You are seeing you for what you are! You are seeing the reflections of what you allowed. The sting will turn into full pain if you continue to ignore. You won’t have some of the dealings you dismissed before this Covid-19!
