I love when I hear folks talk about how unbothered they are. They could care less about whatever is going on. They don’t care who it is. They don’t care who ain’t there. They are unbothered. However, when you’re unbothered you don’t necessarily have to speak on the things that you’re unbothered about!
Hit Dog will Holler
You ever hear the phrase that a hit dog will holler? Watch people’s supposed unbothered speeches. Often times the very thing you bring up a thousand and one times reveals that the hurt, pain, and the feeling of being unbothered is just simply that-a feeling. You have yet to deal with the issues at hand. There could be a number of reasons why it’s not dealt with. It takes two to make it right. However you do realize when you forgive and release unless you’re bringing up something to encourage another person that they too can move past what you once dealt with, those unbothered feelings you feel is simply words you use to camouflage the pain you really have deep inside. Out of your mouth the heart speaks. If you after several months and years find your conversations going back to old mess; you my friend are bothered!
You are bothered
The phrase that could pay if it could is “I’m not mad, I’m just saying.” It’s the phrase used by the bothered the most. Let’s be real I’m not suggesting that people lie to themselves and simply not speak the bothered language. I’m suggesting you actually deal with the issues. Give forgiveness for the people who have hurt you so you can be free. When you’re really free you don’t have to beat the conversation over and over again. Reliving it daily isn’t going to bring peace or healing. The one thing I am learning to do is to give forgiveness in places where it wouldn’t even be given to me. Do you know how much weight it takes to carry normal burdens AND the dead weight of some old mess? I learned that through my weight loss journey. As I shed the pounds I shed some old stuff that quite frankly brought me down more than anything I ever ate!
Deal to Heal
In order to have real peace and love you must be willing to walk in grace. You have to let things go. You have to be able to acknowledge that your constant talking about an issue is due to you not being over it. You never got an apology and you may never. Are you really going to give the other person (s) that much power? I have. It holds you down. You go into other mixed arenas and you bring that dirt up and guess what people can see that your are walking in pain! They see right through that declaration of being “unbothered” and “moving on!” You can declare it all day. You can put a status about it until the end of time. When you’re unbothered you simply live. You don’t throw shade. You don’t have to even speak of their name. Do you know how many times you have mentioned them? If they could get a check for every time your “unbothered” self had them in their mouth they would be paid. That’s actually what helped me. My therapist asked me the same thing. How much you willing to pay them? It stopped me in my tracks.
How much you paying them?
She said unless they are currently doing things to you specifically, how much are you willing to give? I thought the times I used their names in an example that no one ever personally asked. How many times I had texted about them. How many times I spoke of them. They were getting paid. I was robbing myself every single time while they who didn’t have access to me lived. She said so you cut access but willingly pay them for nothing! She was a thousand times right! It was then a few years ago I learned an invaluable lesson. Stop paying folks!
Get Healed not fake unbothered
I need us going into this New Year whole or at least starting the process towards healing. Dropping the charges on a few folks knowing we need the charges dropped on us will help. Stop going back to people without a conversation of the pain that was brought by both parties needs to stop as well. You don’t simply pick up as if nothing happened. It’s one of the worse things you can do. As soon as something that mirrors the same behavior starts up and trust me when I say you will remember and be back to the hurt place you never left. You think you left the pain behind but trust me you haven’t!
Omarion Levels
Everyone wants the level of Omarion but you won’t stop publicly speaking on the folks that hurt you. He made one interview to your thousand subliminal posts. He made one interview and leveled up with his paper to your cheap shots on social media. He leveled up and if nothing else on paper is wishing his ex well. You on the other hand with your “unbothered” self has multiple pow wows with folks who end of day see you in pain and won’t check you to release it! It’s easy to say you want to be like Omarion when you’re among folks until your speech betrays you! It takes self control and work to get there. So unless you ready to do the work you aren’t going to touch the level of Omarion like you want to!
This Monday folks worrying about gifts more than they are about their personal peace. Do both. Stop shading folks with your post that one ain’t gonna see it, see it and never address it, or simply living a life you need to be living! If you say your are unbothered and you simply aren’t, acknowledge it! It’s okay to speak that you are hurt. Once you speak on it than what are you gonna do about it? Can you have a conversation? Can you get therapy? Can you gift forgiveness knowing you may never hear the words “I’m sorry!” Stop declaring you’re unbothered by letting those who have an ear hear your pain, frustration, anger, malicious intent, etc. How about deal with it? How about start the process to live unbothered and in real peace!!!
