Welcome to another Monday Motivation morning! I know the holidays or whatever you made of it may have been a bust. It’s a new day and with new days comes new goals. Boundaries are there for protection. We see them in business where there are warning signs. We see them in movie theaters for ratings. How come we don’t use and implement them in our personal life?
Lack of Boundaries
I know that one of the things that people missed or at least celebrated is that they didn’t have to be around people who lacked boundaries. Given the pandemic and the way life is set up that should be the least of our concerns. However, lack of boundaries mess up holidays. People overstepping themselves into your life is real! I however want us to get to the point where we learn to enact boundaries.
Why Boundaries?
They are important as they help us govern ourselves accordingly. They are necessary in how we do business, work, and life. Without boundaries people will dish out respect. Unchecked respect leads to a world of anguish. So we have to say yes to boundaries. Boundaries create order. As chaotic as the world seems to be its evident we can’t control people or events around us. However we can place checks and balances all around us. We can disassociate with others if they continuously cross those boundaries.
How to Enact Boundaries
If you have had issues with others crossing boundaries, not respecting your no without an explanation, or having others feel age or stage grants them a private access to step over your boundaries it may not feel natural in the beginning. It’s going to take you being consistent in your word choice. Telling someone a direct no instead of making it sound like a suggestion is key. People tend to walk over people who’s speech and word choice aren’t super clear.
Say What You Mean But Don’t Be Mean When You Say It
It happens sometimes where you have to escalate the conversation. I get that and I’ve been in plenty of situations where I’ve had to do it. However often times it comes from not being clear from the jump. You need to say it with your chest in my Kevin Hart voice! Be direct. Leaving nothing to the imagination. Being clear doesn’t always mean being mean. If you can’t speak up unless you’re mean when you speak, check yourself. What did you allow that is making you feel that mean is the only way to be?
Take Charge of You
The person who needs to be checked first is you. Often times we can’t wait to initiate boundaries we haven’t initiated within ourselves. It’s easy to point the finger out without being clear where you haven’t done your own person work. Let me give an example:
I used to get mad when people would ask me to do what they weren’t willing to do for themselves. Those favors that seem to be more about others seeing if they could get me to do something rather them needing me to do it. Almost like a jump because my relationship with you trumps what you think you need to be doing in this moment. So jump. Que? Nope that is not a thing but I had to acknowledge that just because someone asks doesn’t mean I have to do. Why didn’t I stand up and place a boundary? The person that needed checked was me. I can’t allow bad behavior from another person that makes me respond the way I do be there fault. If I allowed it, I had to be the one to stop it!
You Can Stop It
You can’t stop the phone from ringing but you can stop answering it! Caller ID is there to assist. If someone in your life is calling, stop feeling obligated to answer. Let folks go to voicemail in your life. You don’t have to avoid them but you can pick them up or down when you get ready especially someone problematic. Stop feeling pressured to do and react. Take a time out. Screen the interaction. Have a plan in place with problematic people. Do only the bare minimal especially in situations of work. Stop trying to be an overachiever hoping your extra work will change the outcome! It won’t!
All of this allowing relationships to mold the way you’re not happy is in your power to change. If the other party isn’t willing to change after you have been direct in communicating your needs, release it and them. Place boundaries where they are needed. I’ve had to do it and it gives me peace. It’s not about why the other party won’t do what I want, it’s about self preservation. If I know I’m going to be angry, feel defeated, etc. I take control of what I can control and that’s me!
This Monday no matter how bleak it looks as I look out my own door and see rain, joy is always present. Control you and place boundaries where needed. You don’t need agreements in place to protect your heart and mind!
I totally agree! You have to put boundaries in almost every relationship. You show people how to treat you when you do or don’t take crap from them. The toughest is family members but you still have to put them there for your own sanity.
Yes indeed! Trust me as hard as it is it’s even harder to feel like you’re not speaking up for yourself