Monday Motivation: Self Talk

Happy Monday and let’s talk about self-talk. September is self-improvement month and one place that we need to do better is how we talk to ourselves as well as others. This is a beautiful place to start. This isn’t about pointing the finger out to those around you who could use the lesson. This is about utilizing the lesson for your own improvement. Why do we feel comfortable talking down to ourselves and others? What ways can we do better with how we tear down things with our mouths? How will you utilize a change in how you speak to others?

Do you speak like that to yourself and others?

I will never forget the way a friend spoke to me during the time of my life I was the most vulnerable. The negative self-talk I had been giving myself was also out of control. Things like telling myself how unworthy I was, how ugly, or how I wouldn’t do well with the things on my plate. Have you ever been mad at the way someone else talks to you more than you are with how you talk to you? We all have. So back to the friend who tore me down without knowing it. She made these comments about an outfit that I had on.

She called herself being a “real” friend in telling me that I couldn’t go out with her like that cause as a friend she had to be honest. She had no idea that one my body had extremely changed since having kids. In addition to my body image issues I was amid changes emotionally and had been in therapy attempting to get my life together. I never told her that she hurt me, but I remembered it as if it happened hours before.

How you speak to yourself and to others matter. Telling it like it is can also be done with tact. You don’t need to
be the friend that is harsh just so you can feel like you are better than others.

Our Mouths are like Swords

Just like that friend pierced my heart with her words and word choices you too could be harming others around you in the same manner. Also, the friend said it and then got another friend to join in saying it. Then rejoiced as if they had done their due justice in how they were talking. My therapist said to me a reminded me that they were comfortable being disrespectful because I had never told them how it made me feel.  Be careful in what you say and how you say it. When I take my kids on one-on-one dates, I always ask them what they are going through.

In addition, I ask them how I can change my parenting style to help them be better. I know so many parents especially old school parents who would disagree with this method. However, one of my kids said that they didn’t like the way that I yelled at them. They gave me examples and let me know how it made them feel. In our home we listen to things like that and make necessary changes.

I was taken back and didn’t realize that just like I had been bruised by a friend I was doing the same to my own children. So, I adjusted the way I talk to them because they are worthy of respect. In addition we give our kids as many complements or attempt to as we inform them that they need to adjust behavior.

Get Uncomfortable with the way you Speak

If you are used to talking down change the way you speak. This isn’t easy. My husband and I try things like telling one another is there a better way to say things to one another. We do this in the middle of our conversations. If he hears me say something negative regarding me, he changes the word respectfully. An example of this is putting on an outfit and saying my butt looks too big. He says you mean your butt is enhanced in that outfit and ask if I am comfortable in that outfit.

If I say yes, he says the comfortability is more important than me taking the time to dog myself out. Often at least for me I just say things that I don’t mean. I love the way my butt looks in clothes but saying negative things is a part of my journey that I actively work on. Stop dogging yourself.

Ways to do Better in your Self-talk and How You Talk to Others

Ask yourself if the tables were turned and someone you didn’t like spoke to you the way you are talking to yourself or others, how would you feel? If you can say you would be angry, upset or even hurt, don’t do that to others or yourself. Know that you and others deserve grace even in times when wrong is prevalent. This is a place of maturity. We aren’t always going to respond well to everything. However, you can take the time to lead with grace before you speak on something. Also know your opinion of things are simply that. We speak out of turn often without all the facts. I have been attempting to do is to wait before I speak.

So, this Monday, things are going to get under your skin. You will be triggered or pricked by something someone said. This isn’t about people being too sensitive. You must learn how to talk to people and treat others with dignity and respect. Don’t take advantage of relationships. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Be choosy. Walk in love first with all. Give grace first. Stand up for yourself but be clear in how you speak. Love you. Speak positivity in your life and the lives of others.