Staying at home for me a few years ago was a point of saving money. It cost two much for a newborn baby and a toddler to be in daycare. Many people face this everyday. Moms are usually the ones who take the brunt of staying home because their counterparts make more money and we all know that men usually make more.
I need Adult Interaction
In the beginning I didn’t think about having adult interaction. I was deep into the routine of changing diapers, nursing on demand, and taking care of my young children to notice. It was about a few months in when my fiancé at the time would work all day and go to grab drinks with friends or co-workers that I realized I needed adult interaction.
New City No Friends
I had one cousin who lived here and by the time I moved I had no contact with her and that was by my choice. I had a few distant friends that lived in the city too but none who were in the same boat as me. There’s an unforeseen club of moms who want other moms to hang out. I didn’t have a moms group. So I’m in a new city with no friends to call my own, I struggled. My fiancé’s ability to have a social life while I was at home securing the kids started to wear on my life. I began to be angry!
Lost Perception
My fiancé would encourage me to get out. In my mind, where? I was in the midst of my postpartum depression so I would argue about the lack of friends. I lacked the ability to feel confident in making new friends. Ladies you already know my body after less than 3 months was looking very pregnant still. That SnapBack I experienced with my first child didn’t return to me with the birth of the second. So body issues, postpartum depression, and anxiety in a new city left me with few options. I focused my anger on my fiancé. I felt like he was going out often with no regards to my feelings. The same feelings I hadn’t even expressed to him. He was supposed to just “know.” Trust me you can imagine the arguments and fights that came from that!
New Perception
It took me longer than I wanted to establish myself with friends. However I started going out. Can I share how embarrassed I was when I went out with one of my friends? She’s always so dolled up when she goes out. I went out, looking all tore down and I was devastated. My friend in love talked to me as to why I felt the way I did. It wasn’t just the clothes I looked how I felt. However through that relationship as I healed it helped me get back to me. Bonus tip:
FYI if you have friends who are struggling, please watch the way you approach. That friend spoke to me in love and kindness vs the other friends who felt the need to “call me out” with a harsh sense of reality. Even strong friends need love and support. To this day I remember the friend who helped me and I remember the friends who decided to give me tough love on my physical looks. Remember to give what you would want someone to give you at your lowest moments!
Stay At Home Orders
When the governors all across the United States gave the stay at home orders all working parents who were non essential was at a lost. Some of them could work at home. Others had lost their jobs altogether. Parents became united with stay at home parents. The demand of working, taking care of home, and keeping sanity all while during a pandemic wasn’t easy. I hear some of my fellow stay at home parents talk about how easy it was because they were already home but let me tell you, that’s a lie. Yes a stay at home parent has an advantage with the day to day but no stay at home parent prior to Covid-19 had done it through a pandemic. So here at Toitime we bust through mommy and daddy wars. We are all figuring this out!
New Semester At Home?
Some parents are seeing the new reality of staying at home again this Fall. This could be from choice like myself, or because schools are going online. Also keep in mind the parents that are sending their children to school are are stressed too. This need to debate other parents over what is right has to stop! Where I can continue to work from home safely, others parents can’t! There’s no right or wrong way to do this.
Here are my tips for a successful school year at home:
- Be patient
- Find a system that works
- Support your child
- Support the teachers
- Let your child/ren communicate their feelings
- Make their space as fun for learning as possible
- Take breaks as often as you can
- Outsource help-college students or others who can give help in classes for free or small fee
- Build a network with your child/ren friends
These are a small list of tips. We are all in this together. We have an opportunity to help our children through this time. Remember you’re not stuck at school at home; you’re home safely being educated. Change your perspective. Also self-care daily. This notion of Self-Care Sundays only has to change. We need to check in with ourselves so we can even be at a place to help our children. If we don’t find ways to gather ourselves we can’t expect them to do it. We enlisted the help of our kids’ therapist to help with more zoom counseling. It helped then to be able to go and have a private call to help them cope. I highly recommend it as the therapist worked with us to support them emotionally.
Circle of Friends
Also make sure you reach out to your own circle of parents. They can offer support too! Non-parent friends are a great support too. They offer perspective you might not see. Be kind to them. Just because they don’t have kids don’t mean they can’t offer help. Respect their perspective and if they are being too pushy it’s okay to let them know.
A lot of us are working from home with the kids. Today we celebrate the blessing that it is to even have that as an option. There are so many parents who would love the option but can’t! To all the parents-I understand. We are in this together! 
