Good Monday morning to you! It’s a new day and a new start of the week. With that being said, it’s also National Love is Kind day. This is the day to celebrate all who have become independent of their abusers. Why do we have such a day? Simply because there’s way too much domestic abuse in the world. We need to always find a way to celebrate those who have gotten away and attempt to build stronger relationships that are built on real love, protection, and respect.
Love is Kind
When you get into a relationship love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t be about abuse in any form. You can’t love someone who you put down physically, emotionally, or mentally. Many women and men too deal with abuse in some form and some don’t even know how wrong that is. If you’re in a relationship where your peace is being disturbed it’s time to leave. However so many don’t have the strength or have a plan in place to do so. Some accept bad behavior because the abuser makes them think that love gets mad sometimes and therefore the response is based upon on what they “made them do!” This lack of personal responsibility allows them to separate themselves from the wrong they are doing.
Abuse is wrong
There’s no way around it. It doesn’t matter if it happens once or a thousand times, it’s wrong. I know the one being abused wants to take and assume responsibility for their partner’s reactions and actions but you can’t. It’s unhealthy. It’s wrong. However I understand why so many fall into the trap. It’s easier to tolerate bad behavior when the abuser usually pulls out all of the bells and whistles. The abuser usually is clothed in what appears to be a person who is the best thing since sliced bread. Gifts and trinkets and treating you like the Queen you are until one day it all changes. Your knight in shining armor decides to flip the script. By that point they have you where they wanted you, in deep love and unable to make your own decisions. It happens to the best of them. So this is why I don’t allow people to berate a victim. The abuser has already done a number on them mentally.
Real Love
Real love is honorable. Real love is about protecting. Real love isn’t the type that is selfish towards their partner. Real love also starts with self love. Do you know how many relationships began before self love and end in brokenness! A lot. Everyday we are all learning about ourselves. However starting into a relationship with someone else before you have had the opportunity to know what you like, what you love, what you don’t like, and what you need to make yourself happy is an open door to a possible unstable relationship. Real love starts with self love. So if you’re finding that you aren’t thriving with your partner check out if your self love tank needs filled. When you began to fill it you might find that you learn more about yourself in ways that doesn’t support the current relationship. It’s ok to recognize it and to make the necessary changes for personal development.
Love is Kind Remember That
So as we continue with the day, I want to honor the lives lost to domestic abuse. The families of those who are left with the scars of those gone way before their time. The many children who have to witness the abuse who are left broken. I want to also shine the light on those who have mustered up the strength to leave. Some who left with nothing and had to rebuild their lives from the ground up. I can’t take away the pain you have felt but I can say you have made the best decision. So if you’re in a relationship where love is always terrorizing or you feel like you’re walking on egg shells, don’t shake that feeling just because a new gift or trinket comes. Don’t feel isolated as if what you feel is wrong. Trust your instinct! It’s not wrong.
Treat Folks Right
We all need to be sure that we are treating people with respect and care too. Keep in mind that as much as we have to take stock on how we feel when others do us wrong, be sure you are doing the same. Treat others with respect. Treat others with kindness. As much hate in this world we need that reminder everyday. Log onto any device and you will see the hateful comments. People disrespecting strangers let’s me know the depth of love you have for those you know and claim you love doesn’t truly exist. I’ve been in heated debates. Debating and being respectful when respect is in you is easy. Debating and being hateful is just as easy when hate is in you as well.
If you or anyone you love is in an abusive relationship please seek help by contacting the National Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Here are my list of things you can do that’s practical as you make an exit plan:
- Send all financial documents to someone you trust (get separate banks)
- Get a plan of leaving
- Make copies or send copies of important documents to someone you trust
- Speak to someone you trust about what’s happening
- If someone you know and love goes back to their abuser, support don’t criticize them
- If someone you know is being abused develop code words to speak to them about their abuse remember their abuser may be controlling and look into their cell for messages etc.
My heart goes out to those who are in abused relationships. My prayer is that you see your worth and can execute it properly!
To those who have moved on from their abuser-I’m so proud of you! I’m sure there are days when you feel sad, hurt, or upset about the time you spent dealing with the abuse but you have so much to look forward to. I pray you are healing and get the necessary treatment towards your healing.
If you’re in a true loving relationship don’t take it for granted! Find ways to celebrate that love each and everyday! Show respect to all especially those whom you have chosen to make life better with!
Happy Monday let’s love better!
