Monday Motivation: Cohabiting and Distancing inside the Home

There are a lot of things being said how you should move in this world right now. For one the only thing that should be stressed is being inside of your own home where your bills are. Outside of that you will navigate this mental and emotional road differently. With that being said what happens when the stress is so much that you find your responses have gone left?

Acknowledge the Mess

It’s okay to acknowledge that you have messed up in your words or deeds, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t or can’t recover. Its best to recover as quickly as much as you can. Its not the time to sit and wallow in this temporary nuance. For instance, in becoming a homeschool mom, it’s a lot of woosahs. There have been a lot of apologies, a lot of frustrations, and a lot of stepped on toes emotionally etc. It’s okay to realize that our words and this time is pressing out of us some of the things that we deal with and we can’t hide. We can’t hide who we are with those who you live with. If you live alone you are more able to hide but if you share space, they see everything about you. So, acknowledge where you are and what you are under. 

Work on It

It’s a lot to take on all of the craziness that is happening and the irritations that we are feeling but after you realize that there may be a few things about you that is coming out and that you don’t like, you have to work on it. You must find a way to change the things that is coming out. For instance, if you do one of those foot toxin baths, you get to see all the mess coming into your body. You see the colors maybe the smell, etc., you must find how can you have less of some of the toxins not be in your body so that it doesn’t have to be taken out again. If you find that your kids are irritating you to the point where you are beating them based on your irritations, stop and then find ways on working on positive influence. Fyi the parents that are beating your kids on social media-please stop thinking that no one is turning you in. Yes, I have personally seen it and NO I don’t plan on turning a blind eye. My kids are doing the MOST yet its not a reason for me to be abusing them for ANY reason. Work and OWN your mess. And then leave the babies alone.

How can you Make it Better?

I am focusing on upward progression? I know it seems as if I am on happy Polly Pocket moments often and I try its not always the case. It’s easy for me to be negative. It takes no energy to wake up and complain or have something bad to say on everything. If you log onto social media, there is enough of it. There is enough negativity in the news. My day is full of 6 other people who do the most around me at any given time I don’t have time to focus on it. I know right well that being negativity isn’t where I want to be in my life when life is out here handing out Hot Pockets with no microwave. It’s time to place a pause. Since we are in quarantine, I don’t have to worry about others who don’t live with me changing the atmosphere of the house. However, as many people are quick to say, “oh I don’t like someone I wouldn’t have them in my home,” who wants to put you out for the same thing? What I mean is no one can come into your home without your permission especially someone who you don’t deal with but when you are ugly and off there is someone equally who wants you to do better and stop the mess you bring into your own home. So, we ALL rub someone the wrong way but you don’t have to treat people in your home wrong either. Change your delivery. Change the way you do things and acknowledge that you got issues that need to be worked on and changed.

Peace of a Home

Beyoncé said women are the tempo in the home.  I believe that. When I was growing up no shade to my mom it didn’t change that if she was mad, the whole house had to feel it too. So, what are you doing to keep the peace in your home? I am not asking you how are you dealing with things to make your partner feel big? If that is happening, as soon as this is over, do what you must do. However, if you are the constant reason no one has peace in the house or space that you share there needs to be conversations being had. Now don’t think that women are the reasons houses are a wreck only from women. Men are just as equally toxic and equally as raggedy with how that treat their families too. Everyone needs a reality check being home more. 

Growing Together

After you recognize your issues, after you deal with it, and you sort out of your peace, etc. you must learn how to grow together. Growing pains are essential. However, we can’t label growing pains for folks being in the same space and being foul to one another. An argument is not problematic unless the arguments are repetitive in nature without ownership and change. No one wants to live with folks who don’t own their mess and pushes them off to others. Even in my toughest times of dealing with anxiety, and depression it’s no one’s responsibility to take care of you but you. Your partner is most likely not trained to get you through your ups and downs. Sometimes they can be supportive, but I believe in ownership and that’s something I have learned in going through counseling. I used to be the one who blamed why my husband didn’t “fix me” but it wasn’t on him. Support doesn’t look like taking full ownership of your issues. It doesn’t mean they make the appointments, take you and make you do the work. Real change comes when you want it for yourself whether you know that there’s a good chance you will lose the one you love but you when you want mental and emotional peace, growth comes. Don’t ever do anything to make someone happy if making them happy is based on you remaining unhealthy mentally and emotionally. It will never work.

Working our inner out?!

So, use this time wisely to speak authentically about what you need. What do you want to do? What are the inner issues that you want to address that you have left on the table or having said? These are the things that you want to work on. How can you get better with yourself? What are you willing to do for inner peace? For me it was therapy. My therapist was super real with me. She told me that under the conditions that I was in a few years ago I was at the point of a breakdown and a breakup with my husband. She was right. I used that information not on a crusade to save my marriage. I had to save myself. While in quarantine we are faring out so much better because two people take responsibility for their actions. Not everyone has that flow. This quarantine is bringing out the worst in others. It is bringing out the worse in themselves. Its time for us to do some real soul searching. We have so much to do while we are not around the world so that when the world opens again, we can do better and better for it. 

So, lets get it right. Let’s find ways to be amazing humans in every aspect that we can.  Let’s find ways to be whole. There is enough pain and strife that I want to be able to see better folks at the end of this. Will you help yourself and help others around you? We are alone together!!!