Monday Motivation: A life that Shows

Over the weekend I went to a funeral of a mentor who meant the world to me. “Uncle Steve” as we called him was a main stay in my college matriculation. Uncle Steve was the type of man who always was simply there. Wise beyond his time he spoke words of affirmation that I needed at the times I needed it most. Let me walk you backwards to tell the story of his impact in my life going forward.

I was a college freshman at Pennsylvania State University. A young 18-year-old woman who was really a girl in an “adult” body trying to find my way. I was a preacher’s kid or PK who could probably tell you scriptures better than most preachers at that time. So much so that as a freshman I mistakenly signed up for a grad level class on religious theory and after meeting with the professor he kept me in that class, and I got a solid A amongst many of the graduate level students. I don’t think I ever told anyone how big of an accomplishment that was as I was the only freshman in the history of that class to be in it let alone do well. As much Bible as I knew there’s a huge difference in knowing and living. I was failing miserably in living. I was stuck between wanting my parent’s approval, sick of the whole church scene, and wanting others to respect my adulthood. 

I came to know many of the members of Unity Church of Christ or as I simply called them UCC through a member who I had met at a precollege program who would be a great friend to me through the years. I stumbled from being on the campus gospel choir that was associated largely with UCC and that’s how I met Uncle Steve and his wife Aunt Pat. I loved the atmosphere it reminded me a lot of home but there was something a little free about being there. Growing up in the church that I was in was a lot of you can’t and don’t do. No one and I mean no one ever taught you how to co-exist in the world. It was stay away from everyone who didn’t act or look like you. That was a huge mistake as I learned over the years. I had no idea how to be myself and I was in the beginning stretches of learning who I was. With all this new journey was about to offer me, Uncle Steve and Aunt Pat was about to show me what unconditional love looked like.

A lot happened in the first semester of college. I have openly blogged about it before. Through an onset of lies, manipulation etc. that I had done I found myself alone and scared and not sure how to proceed. Here is where Uncle Steve and Aunt Pat went from being the leaders of the campus ministry to family. I was just about to transfer schools when Uncle Steve said you need something, and I can see it. I started crying. It was like he was placed in my life at that moment to help me. He gave me this look like a father would and said if you’re running to get away can I offer a solution. I thought how he knew. I never even told my parents until they read this how I contacted my second-choice school and was already in the process of my last stage of transferring. He said come to my house and we will provide you an oasis for the weekend. If after you have been there and you want to leave, we will help you still. I declined and he gave me that look that said no this is what you need. Aunt Pat said to me pack for a weekend and we will provide the rest. Now did I mention I had never been to their house before and I wasn’t nervous at all. It wasn’t some creepy invitation it was all out of love. They had supported me and had been supporting me through the Campus Ministries already. 

I accepted the offer and it was one of the best decisions I had done. I got there and they had me in one of their daughters’room. There Uncle Steve and Aunt Pat said, rest. They advised me not to think, just sleep. When I woke up, I took a shower, we ate, and they began to ask me a series of questions to get to the root of my issue. Here they let me know that what I had been going through wasn’t at all as bad as I thought. That I was trying to find my way because I was caught between my parents, myself, God, and life and that the way out was to get clear on what I wanted and proceed from there. By this time, I was fully seeing my boyfriend aka my current husband. He let me know how him and Aunt Pat got together and some of the hurdles they had been through. He had spoke to my boyfriend and reassured me that he wasn’t the issue and that I had some things to work out. That weekend I was heard for the first time. I didn’t have to pretend and the love that they showed me set the tone for the rest of my time at Penn State. I was given more opportunities to retreat at Uncle Steve and Aunt Pat and every time they poured back into me giving me the strength. Uncle Steve was wise he knew. Some of those conversations have helped me to this day as a parent. 

How does this motivate your Monday? Uncle Steve was to me a sound board, strength, love and encouragement and its that encounter with and Aunt Pat that makes me think twice how I treat myself and others. We hear so much about the deaths of Kobe and the man he was, and Uncle Steve has that same type of legacy. I remember him telling me stories of his children and how he dealt with them as they were going through their growing pains. It’s something I attempt to give my kids. How are you walking into this earth and inspiring others? Are you a beacon of life or a chaos of confusion? Are you one who is a light or darkness? Uncle Steve was a light that shined so bright that his love was so great it pushed me to continue and graduate from Penn State. College is about 30% schoolwork and 70% becoming who you want to be in adulthood. I remember I cried my first semester out of college, and I called Uncle Steve and Aunt Pat and they reminded me that the work on myself had to continue. 

How are you motivating others around you? When people leave you are, they better? I ask myself that all the time. How do I have a life that shows people real redemption and real peace? Am I what my kids need instead of what I think is enough? Uncle Steve taught me that we must change the perspective in parenting and be there. No judgement and that if we believe what we taught our children it will come back to us. I cried like a baby when I found out he passed. One thing I am grateful for is telling him and Aunt Pat thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for not thinking it strange to treat me as the adult I was and loving me through. Thank you for showing me that relationships take work and a college student wasn’t going to have it altogether. Uncle Steve told me I would be with my current husband. He told me what I should watch out for with him and what to hold on to with him. Those same qualities I see today. 

I know we are all hustling and trying to build and trying to move differently but how we leave people whether whole or in pieces matters. How we live matters. How we grow matters. If I can be a small light to those around me, I am doing my job. The reason why people like Steve and Kobe make the world realize the bigness of what we feel we have lost is because we don’t walk in the same light and integrity that we all have a chance to be to those around us in our own way. In those moments with Uncle Steve and Aunt Pat I learned I could be restored as a whole adult. My relationships with others on that campus was mended by Uncle Steve helping me to do the work on myself. I know for a fact between their encounters and the therapy I went through I wouldn’t be the woman you see today. I believe it with everything in me. As I traveled this weekend to my old stomping  grounds, I had intense panic attacks the whole ride. I was extremely sad. What made me feel at peace was walking in the church and seeing Aunt Pat’s smile and the smiles of his children who were hurt but proud of the man that engulfed them with love and support. It set me at ease. Aunt Pat’s hug let me know it was okay to grieve but to carry the best parts that Uncle Steve gave with me going forward.

I pray that I will make him proud knowing that just that small encounter with him changed how I see life forever. I want a life that shows others redeeming qualities it’s the reason I speak on failures all the time. I am a product of failing stylishly. I am an open book to the fact that you can truly fall and get back up stronger, more determined and move in the world as if nothing happened but take the lessons and make yourself better. Its what gets me up and show up in my marriage and makes me determined to give my children balance. Failing isn’t an issue if you get up, acknowledge and make better choices. Thank you again Uncle Steve.

May Aunt Pat carry your love with her every day. May your children show up in their lives better because of the father you were to them. May we even if we didn’t know Uncle Steve know that we can be that once chance encounter to others. We can define someone from having a bad moment to be extraordinary. We can be that one face that gives a hand instead of being the hand that points to others misery. May we be the light in this dark world that sets apart someone who could have went left and now make that right to a life that shows.