Mental Health Matters

I would be lying if I said that although life is good I stopped dealing with mental health issues. For me I noticed it most as I had my children but if I’m honest it was happening before them. Mental health and healthy mindset do matter but we have to talk about it more.

Shame Blame

People are so willing to dismiss mental health issues because unlike a physical ailment, it’s sting can be damaging. People are ashamed to admit it because they don’t want to be looked at as weak. I blame the world and it’s unwillingness to let people show their flaws. People can’t get the help they need without having to go through the ringer for services. Truth be told in my opinion I believe everyone has either mental health issues or the ability to have them at any time.

Mental Health and It’s Scar

I’ve seen people with mental health issues from every level. People only attribute it to complex cases and those which appear to show people out of their mind. By the time someone with mental health issues have gotten to that level there are usually already had unchecked smaller cues. When someone identifies that they are experiencing issues people have already boxed them in. They feel they aren’t worthy and the shame they carry or the scar that is left seems impossible to heal!

Perfectionism and People Pleasing is Unhealthy

I’m not the only recovering perfectionist and people pleaser? I got straight A’s since 2nd grade. One part of that was because I was told that getting good grades would get me into the school of my choice. Another part was that I was able to thrive in school so I got lost in having everything perfect. The first time I failed a class in college I was two steps away from self harm. I couldn’t grasp the concept that failing at something meant more about not getting the work than it did about me being a good person. Good people fail all the time. Failure wasn’t a measure of ability to do well in life!

Who’s the Chameleon?!

As a people pleaser, I found myself changing like the wind. Every person trying to make them happy made me unhappier. I wasn’t even doing it well but trying to do it was resentful. In college when I realized that no one was paying for my school and I had nothing to lose I decided to start finding myself. The ups and downs of those years were necessary to help me be who I am now! It’s completely unhealthy to be everything to everyone.

Mental Health Check-In

It’s was imperative as I shed this blame game on what people expected of me to also acknowledge I had a problem. Having these meltdowns were exhausting. I talk about the postpartum depression with What to Expect! After I soon realized that the people pleasing that I attributed to being a successful student had caused more harm. I had to learn to fall gracefully. Being okay to make mistakes and be okay with the fall out. I had to be myself. All of these things I’ve learned and use now. However there are days when worry turns to fear. Fear turns into an unhealthy thought process.

Mental Health For Me

I tend to yell, get increasingly angry, defensive, or find that I don’t do my normal activities when my mental health has gone unchecked. Just like anyone else, I can be booked and busy and do my to do list and still have issues. I can look well and still have issues. This is when I invoke my plan that my therapist has given me. I have to evaluate what’s real and what’s imagined. Stop attaching old feelings to new issues. Separate and find self care activities that help. Speaking up and talking to someone I can trust has helped.

Having A Support System

I can now safely trust my husband. In the beginning I couldn’t. I’ve talked about it in my podcast. Knowing that he’s not disparaging me while venting is important. It was a part that I allowed myself to over fixate over. Who knew? What did they think of me? When your mental health isn’t in check, you focus on things that don’t bring solution. You’re not able to see, think, or even love clearly. Now I know who I can trust and who I can’t. Not everyone is capable of offering help. Some people will do more harm than good. Be selective in your circle but get one.

Each Day is Different

When I notice that my mindset isn’t clear, I immediately evoke my plan. I write in my journal. It’s important for me to be clear about what is actually happening. I have to seek out a healthy activity. For me it could be coloring in my adult coloring book, working out, moving my schedule around to take a nap, sitting outside for 15 minutes, etc. Each day won’t look the same but everyday I make a conscience decision to be better than the day before.

Suffering in Silence

Something small can give so much power! Acting as if everything is okay and suffering in silence is real. Not wanting people to know can be a detriment to yourself. It causes more harm than you can imagine. It isn’t a shame to have a mental health issue. I think more and more people are owning it now since the pandemic. That lost of control over yourself is felt in many ways! I don’t have all of the answers. I can speak on what I went through and what I did and hope it inspires someone to get help.

Therapy has its Issues Too

Help can be in the form of therapy, making a plan of action, and being honest with yourself. Therapy is great but be clear that getting it isn’t a slam dunk. In the beginning I had to wait for an appointment. I got discouraged and had to keep following up to be seen. I had to push it a lot more than I thought. It’s not as clean cut to been seen as television would make you think. Now there’s more tele-health but so many need the services that getting an appointment may take longer wait times. I say this so you understand some of the behind scene issues as you make the decision to get therapy. I still encourage it.

You’re not Alone

I know it’s taboo for someone with a “brand” speak so candidly about mental health but this is how ToiTime was formed. Realizing I wasn’t alone in this world. Wanting to help and encourage someone to see themselves with flaws still make it! How much you? You may have experienced mental health issues in the past or current? It doesn’t make you less than a person. You are still capable of living an amazing life. You can do anything when you stop living to the standards of sake perfectionism. We aren’t made to be perfect we are made to do our best. My best on most days look great. On the days it doesn’t, it’s still great! Ups and downs in this life is common! Speak up, get help, navigate the waves but you owe yourself good mental health! Don’t be ashamed! You’re not alone!