Mental Health Check-In: Short Tempered

Did you know that being short and angry can be a way your mental health is showcasing itself?! Yes it doesn’t mean that’s the case for everyone. This last week since the kids have been home I’ve found that I’ve become short tempered and more triggered by repetitive actions so let’s talk about it.

Anger Triggers

I think about the many people for example and only for an example assume that Black women are naturally angry. In this same content of seeing their anger these same people never take a look at such factors as stress being the culprit. If you ever have been stressed you know the feeling can happen at any given time and often times without warning.

So one of the things that I learned about myself is that when I’m angered and stress I yell. With the kids being home I’ve tried to make sure I take them to 3-4 things after I’ve done my work. So this means I shut down at 2 just like I normally would if they were in school and we hit the streets in some form.

Yelling Again (Mental Health Moment)

So with the knowledge that I’ve had for years now that when I’m yelling and short is more to do with the way I’m processing events around me. Last weekend I had to apologize to my youngest. This week I’ve had to apologize to the oldest. I have since being a kid have seen others yell. If I’m honest in my opinion I come from a loud and yelling family. However my biggest trigger is attempting to do differently with my kids and seeing them take longer to respond.

Let me explain. When my parents spoke it was from a place of authority and the knowledge that the consequences would be physical. I don’t use physical threats whether stated or implied with my kids. So when they don’t respond I’m usually at a lost of words and struggle to come up with back up plans to reiterate my stances.

Always in me but not of me

I find in my yelling that I sound just like my parents. You know like most kids as they grow they say what they won’t do. That’s the struggle. While I heal my inner child (which happens often) I struggle with parenting. Now one thing my husband’s therapist told him was people who are always re-evaluating their parenthood are usually the good parents. This means that it’s not about doing to perfectly it’s being coachable and willing to learn helps.

So daily I’m watchful of what I say and especially how I say it. Also finding ways to connect and listen too. My kids and I do check ins where they get to tell me what they need more of from me to help them be better. These talks don’t always go well internally. Hearing my kids’ needs and how I’m not meeting it hurts. However seeing my kids express that without feeling disrespected is parental gold.

So what’s the Plan?

Since the kids have been home we have again been letting them relax more. We know we will soon move them to summer reading and work. A few other things was making expectations clear. Giving times on meals and snacks are helpful. Here are some other ways to help:

• Keeping the kids active
• Setting boundaries on play dates
• Giving them a window for self play so that each sibling can have their individual time
• Incorporating things like yoga and mindfulness

Moms personal Plan-Mental Health moments

I’ve been in talking to my therapist and we have identified my issue. It’s one that if I spoke it out loud you would think my family would be ending soon. However when you know the issue it’s up to you to do the work to fix it. With the knowledge I’m working on waiting before I speak. Counting down to hear the whole thing before being a hot head and responding.

Although the kids are home it’s not an excuse to stay in this mental down spiral. So knowing that the triggers do have solutions and I’m not a bad mom for recognizing them and doing the work to turn it around.

Inside Out 2-Mental Health in visual form

In addition, we took the kids to see Inside Out 2 and for many kids and adults seeing these characters come alive helps to visualize feelings. I won’t spoil it for you but there was a part in the end that had me cry. Not an ugly cry but I did cry. It symbolized that no good or bad part of us is better than the other. We need all of us to make us the best of us. Make sure to talk to your children before and after as one of the newest feelings, anxiety tries to be the star of the show.