Mental Health and Fighting Alone

As we continue into May with Mental Health Month let’s talk about fighting alone and define what it means when someone says they are fighting alone. For example, even if you think that you are the most supportive to your friend who is or has been open about their mental health you may still be missing the mark. People need to be supported in the way that makes them feel it. So, let’s dive into what fighting alone may mean for many.

Not feeling Seen with Mental Health

When you fight alone one of the biggest things that people describe is not feeling seen. Feeling seen doesn’t mean simply having someone put eyes on them as a person. Being seen is having someone who understands your journey. It’s hard to feel that level of pain when you feel as if you are spending more time defending your problems than fixing it. Having to convince those around you that mental health is real, or that you can’t simply pray it away, or lastly that your mental health doesn’t have to look like others is exhausting. How are you taking the time to hear those around you?

Validation with Mental Health

If you interject yourself into everything that is being said it can feel as if the me problem has turned into us or we. There is a fine line between using yourself as an example and turning the conversation to be about you. Not that many people can do it well. For instance, I had a friend who confided in me about her mental health struggle. I listened. There was no advice offered until she asked. I prefaced the advise once given that she should consult with a primary doctor or psychotherapist. The point in being seen is also being validated.

Acceptance.. for Who I am!

Another issue with fighting alone is acceptance. After you have gotten someone to hear or see you the issue becomes how do you get others to accept you. This doesn’t mean that the acceptance is an excuse to continue in a path without treatment. Acceptance says I see you are hurting; I don’t always have the tools to help, but I won’t abuse your space in my life by telling others where you are. In addition, not only won’t I abuse your place in my world, but I too will also not look down on you for any reason. You can feel safe with me that I won’t knock your confidence to speak authentically about your health issue and feel as if I am better off than you.

Don’t use People’s Mental Health Against Them

Lastly fighting alone also means that I won’t use what I know about you to demean you. Knowing a person’s diagnosis or that they are fighting in general and throwing it back in their face isn’t the way to go about “supporting others.” Here are some examples of throwing mental health back into the face of loved ones:

• At least I can drink since I’m not taking “crazy” meds

• Oh, wait you need space AGAIN!

•  You should be healed by now

Be Honest about the Support Given

These are small examples of why people feel as if they are fighting alone. Be there in total or at least be honest about what you can do. So many want the appearance of 100% support have 20% fight in them. What I mean is it’s okay to be honest about how hands on you can do to support a loved one. It’s okay to say I am not available in the capacity that you need me to be in. What’s not okay is to camouflage your availability then get mad that the person struggling can see right through it.

Mental Health is sometimes a fighting matter. It is serious. There are many forms of mental health and that also means many ways to heal through it. The person may need more than one way to combat it. If you aren’t licensed to tell someone what they should do-don’t. There is a skill in handling any form of mental health issues. So many people play doctor daily with their loved ones causing more issues down the line.

So, when someone around you is fighting alone or feels as if they are fighting alone, these are examples of what they mean. All these examples require you to remove yourself out of their personal struggle.  Be a blessing that someone may need. It requires you to be less judgmental and more proactive in solid support. When was the last time you asked someone how you could assist them? Did you listen? Listening requires you to be still, hear, and ask if they are looking for support in being there or an actual answer. Listen to this podcast with my husband as we share the mistakes of supporting others in a mental health crisis.