Growing up my parents really pushed principles. It’s something that has stuck with me. Sometimes when you are in a debate with another person no matter who it is we have a tendency to want to be right and we lose sight on what a person is trying to say. There’s only one cure to this issue and that’s to listen.
I’m working on being a good listener. I’m the type that needs to feel right. I can admit my flaws. However right and listening aren’t always the same. I’m working on being transparent more to those in my life but let’s face it it’s hard to do.
When I get into an argument I sometimes shut down the second I perceive someone trying to attack. I can deal with difference of opinions but some folks will try to attack you with words and it irks me beyond belief. For me in order for it to feel like an attack it has to come from someone I love or admire.
I’ve taken the necessary steps to work on myself such as instead of shutting down altogether I just simply back off the argument and ask for space. Yes space and shutting down are different. Space says I’m listening but I really need to process this as to when I shut down I’m not thinking of solutions I would just write the person off and what they had to say.
Also I noticed in an argument that I didn’t rebuttal the person and even though it wasn’t right it took me days to speak to the person. Growing up the silent treatment would break me but because I love to talk when I found myself not having too much to say I take the time to deal with myself. I automatically know I’m in my feelings and I try to work me out instead of finding ways to one up the other person.
Let me tell you that when you love someone and they attack you with words especially when it’s someone who is a worthy opponent it stings. When you feel like who you are arguing with is easy it’s not a challenge and the care level is decreased. Listening is an art form. Listening means actually shutting off your next line of defense and hearing the person authentically.
If you are like me in any way trust me you know your triggers. Take the time to listen to others. Just as much as you want to be right you have to take the time to really get a point across in a way not to hurt someone else. Listen and care about a solution. Listen to be effective.
