We tend to forget how detrimental judging mental health can be. If you see someone having a physical reaction to their mental health it’s easy to judge what you don’t know. The physical reactions can be a mental breakdown that you see when people are screaming, hollering, using foul language, aggressive behavior and more. This is why reminding all of us that we are all one step away from showcasing a mental health attribute that we have to stop judging the story lines we have no clue about.
Mental Health Breakdown
How someone breaks down looks differently on others. For some they will cry and feel despair. Others will literally look as if they are falling apart. This is the thing, since we don’t know someone’s story why aren’t we leading with grace? If we see these attributes from others that we don’t know we can lead with grace with those we do. This conversation of the people that we do know, we attribute that they contributed to their demise and are unworthy. This means in a nutshell you have given up on the person.
You can be detached. That is your right to do so. These are personal journeys. The issue is that we don’t always want to admit to that. You can’t not operate from a place of help and condemnation. Some people aren’t effective in helping others get to a better place. Also the person themself may not be in a place to be in a better place either.
Decide where you stand on Mental Health
I dislike hearing so many people talk so negatively about mental health but then when someone needs help say I wish that they would have reached out to you? You have to remember people know your stances. If you make fun or talk badly in certain situations you can’t always be an open person of encouragement in the same regard. It’s no different than parents. As parents as you speak to your family and friends in ear space of a child they hear your comments about things. As they get into things they don’t see you as a support system. You can say all day, but I am your parent I would support you, but how? Is this after you damned other people? Support systems are build before a mental health crisis.
How can you support others?
If you want to be there to support someone you have to be a place of love and understanding well before life knocks the wind out of them. It’s like being in a race for your life. As you are breaking down in your run it’s hard to see what is in front of you. As a runner I know this all too well. Also as I run, you know how far the entire race is, as you run if there are no markers you can’t keep space.
Not everyone with mental health issues has all of the tools that they need to stay focused. When I run I use my Apple Watch, to help guide me. That’s like therapy. What if those who are breaking down don’t know its okay to stop and get help. OR if they know, have the money and means to do so. The cycle continues.
How can we do Better with others and Mental Health?
Be kind. Show compassion. Be understanding. If you don’t have a solution to offer you can at least show empathy. It doesn’t let the person in the midst of their breakdown off the hook for how they demonstrated their mental health issues. For instance, a mom who is stressed curses her kids out doesn’t mean she gets a pass for doing so. As you show empathy you can understand and still hold accountability to that mom for her actions. However you don’t have to further dog out that parent just because you lack the skills to offer help.
Just like you lack skills to help that parent may not have the skills to learn to self soothe their issues or get the help they need to understand how to manage their outbursts. This is why being open that so many people do have mental health issues. If you speak openly about people getting help is important it could land in the right time and space. For instance I wasn’t aware that my tendency to get loud is an outward manifestation of my mental health.
Once I learned I was able to also learn why that was my go to when stressed or anxious. I learned to express the underlying issues instead of sticking to the manifestation of my anger.
Other ways of helping with Mental Health
- Listen without judgement-ask if they want help or to be just a listening ear
- Suggest a support group
- Ask them how they process their feelings: therapy, journaling, other ways or not at all
- If you are able and can do so offer to pay a copay for a therapy session
- Feeling comfortable-talk about the things that has helped you in your mental health journey
- Ask about their hobbies sometimes people have disconnected from what makes them happy-suggest things that you know they are good at to try and take a class or engage in
- Suggest an app that you think would be useful-Calm, Circles, and more
Mental Health is layered. Be committed to learning and understanding. Take the time to learn that skills in mental health are necessary. If you can and have a good relationship find ways to introduce or talk to someone when they aren’t in a mental health breakdown about ways they are taking care of themselves. Be a person that also moves without judgement to others on a regular basis. This would eliminate you having to apologize for getting it wrong when you get it wrong.
