Happy Wednesday. We have made it to the midweek checkpoint. From taking the time to be happy that no matter what was thrown our way, we are accomplishing some goals. This blog post’s wellness check in will focus on boundaries. You may have been conditioned to think that boundaries are standoffish and therefore bad. They aren’t. here are some ways to establish boundaries in various areas of your life.
Boundaries at Home
The one place that should be sirene is at home. Not to say that arguments don’t happen or your peace not be disturbed at times but essentially it should be a safe space. At home you need to keep the people out that you don’t want to be in there. One day I posted a Facebook post stating that I didn’t like the “we in the neighborhood” surprise visits and people were in an uproar. First, this is my personal boundary. I know what I need and don’t need. My anxiety can’t do a lot of drop in visits. Call first. We may be busy, don’t want visitors, or busy. Either way, that is my boundary. My husband doesn’t mind drop in visits. We try to find a happy medium.
If someone is “coming by” or comes by unannounced and I don’t want to be bothered, I will speak and move to another part of my home to maintain my peace. It’s really that simple. We are adults who live in a shared home. I am not here to dictate who can and who can’t come by. Simply meeting both of our needs works to keep the home balanced and in harmony.
Boundaries at Work
One of my biggest boundary is allowing people who I work with get an automatic invitation to be on my social media. Since I operate my blog on social media that is open. However my personal social media is locked down. I make the decision on who comes on there. Do I have something to hide? Nope. I speak on just about all of the things going on in my life. However I have my kids on there and I lock it down for people I want to “see” them. In addition I block or restrict family members too but especially co-workers. Also how much time you spend with coworkers outside of the office is a way to establish boundaries. This means I am not coming to your personal fish frys, baby showers, and more just because we are coworkers.
You decide how much access you give and what you allow.
Boundaries in Relationships
Every relationship should have boundaries. This is also even for marriage. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you can speak, handle, or treat your spouse any type of way. With friends limit or encourage how much time you spend. Recently I have established that siblings of friends or mutual friends of a friend isn’t automatic access. If I do not have an established relationships with whom you are extended, your access is denied. This concept of extending relationship simply being able to id someone in a lineup should you have to is crazy to me. Be clear on what is okay even in how people show up in the relationship.
For instance, if someone wanted to impose on me because we are in relationship that is simply not okay. I will not tolerate manipulation in the form of, “well so and so allows it.” My answer is simply go over there where it’s acceptable.
Be Clear and Stick to your Boundaries
If you change a boundary because you want to, that is fine. Switching up because it makes others uncomfortable is dishonoring yourself. You don’t need the other party to accept your boundary. You need them to not be a habitual line stepper where you are concerned. Stay consistent. There are people who have “borrowed” money and didn’t pay it back. Even I in my 20s did the same. Now, I loan what I can afford to lose and don’t allow people to use me as a personal ATM. This means that if the same person seems to need money often, it’s not about emergency it’s about mismanagement. The goal is to find a resource not become their resource.
Boundaries aren’t hard to make they can be a hard to be consistent. Be honest in the areas you have set boundaries and went back on your word to accommodate others. When you do this, it only fuels your own hurt and pain in the future. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. You don’t need to be empowered to do better for yourself, you need to exercise that power. You may have to repeat the boundary more than once. Once you know the person knows and understand, limit your contact immediately.
Use this guide to help set boundaries.
