You deserve closure however there are times when letting people do what they need to do for them is necessary. Have you been hurt in the past by what people have said or do say? We all have. There are times when we allow the words to linger and the pain to keep us from our highest potential. On today’s Wellness Wednesday we are taking stock of our own personal relationships.
Is Closure Necessary?
Closure is nice but not necessary or even available from people who have harmed us. There are times that the same level of closure that you seek someone also seeks from you. So, if you can have a conversation that you feel will make you feel whole, kudos to you. Most of us will never get that. There are hurt that has been generational and silent that will have us in a deficit in our feelings. Are you willing to live in an unhealed existence until you get it? I hope not. A few years I was operating in a large level of pain. That pain was causing me to lash out on people.
Let’s be honest, many of them deserved it. However, deserving or not it was up to me to handle my responses and the real reason for my own pain. My pain for the most part wasn’t a cause of what they did. It was a response to getting tired in a heart issue that existed before I even met them.
Doing the work of healing
There are times when healing isn’t linear. There are good moments and bad. Going to therapy, being honest about what I feel and where I am as well as having accountability played a huge part in how I can show up in my daily life. For instance, as soon as I became a parent, my kids shouldn’t have to toggle through my inherited pain just because I didn’t receive closure. My kids are worthy of love and the love not come years down the line, in the name of pain from my past. So even at my worse moments I am constantly in therapy or applying the things that I have learned in therapy. Taking parenting classes or being coachable in how I speak, love, and act where my kids are concerned.
Who oversees your heart and mind?
Short answer you are. Long answer is we allow everyone else to take the reins of our heart and mind. You don’t need to give your power to everyone and everything. Here is an example, I have been on an up and down journey of meeting my biological father. My therapist asked me what I expected to get from the meeting of him. After some research and some soul searching, I have concluded that I don’t believe that meeting him will be fulfilling for me. I could change my mind. Changing of my mind is a normal process.
However, is it more detrimental to my growth to meet him or do the work of his absence. I choose the latter. Someone else reading this may think that meeting him would be the work that needs to be done. However, from what I know of him, it would be a miss. I choose to live in the peace of creating my own closure. Should I have to rip the band-aid off and meet one on one so be it. However, it is my choice and I choose to live in my personal peace.
Mental Health Check-ins and Healing
This is why it is imperative for you to check in with yourself. Instead of saying what everyone should do or say and turn that energy into your personal world. Even your spouse or a close frend you have to let them walk their own paths. It can be hard to see the solution but also see those unwilling to move forward in the solution. Channel the energy to creating safe spaces, healed moments, and love in your life. You are deserving to know where you stand with others but also move forward and accomplish things. Me not having my biological father in my life will not be the reason I can’t move up in the world. I am willing to not be held back by resentment. Where are you today? I chose to use the example of my biological father. The truth of the matter it could be anyone or anything that dictates your heart strings. Do the work means be willing to keep trying to be loved and love others. Some of the things I’ve worked through is relationships with my extended family, parenting, marital, death, feeling stuck and more.
