This blog is from the perspective of what it feels to have a father figure. My stepdad aka my dad has been an amazing force. There are plenty of men who are fathers who don’t do what needs to be done. However, on days like this, I love to find the positiveness around all holidays. As much as Mothers matter so do Fathers. They shape our ideal of trust and men. They protect and provide.
Father and Daughters
That is the only perspective I can come from being a daughter. My mom met my dad when I was 5 years old. Prior to that I had solid male figures in my life too. However, at the age when my thought process of what a man would look like came from my dad. For clarification I am calling my stepdad, Dad and separating him from my biological father. I found out that my dad wasn’t my real father by being nosey. Being the nosey kid that I was, I read my back-to-school papers and asked my parents and they told me. I remember being crushed by the news.
However, my mom kept reiterating how much my dad had been involved in my life and that I needed to be grateful for him. Now before you come from my mom let’s be clear the alternative that I know understand after therapy and just my own research she was right. Even though at the time her presentation of the situation wasn’t the best. In my opinion my behavior changed around that time too.
Great Fathers
With learning how to thrive still wanting to know who my biological Father was, I remember my dad and I having several conversations about it. He was clear. Anytime I wanted to know about him he would make sure to help me. He was raising me as his own, providing for me, and taking care of me as his own. However, he didn’t take offense that I still had questions. He was firm that as a child I had a right to know. Those conversations stood with me as I walked into adulthood. Great men like this are out there. Those amazing father figures need to be showcased on high days such as this.
A special Father’s Day salute to my Grandfather, Curtis. One of the most selfless men I have ever known. From his willingness to go above and beyond for anyone. The way he takes care of others. He is truly hard working and loved. I wish all men took so many lessons from his ability to be a great dad from him.
Father’s Day Pain
There are many who struggled today. The pain of missing a father who has transitioned can be overwhelming. Also, if you were like me so many times, I wondered why my life started with a man not wanting to be in my life. Even as a kid, even if that mad wanted to spite my mom it didn’t make sense. I used to think about what he looked like. If I had traits like him and more.
So, for those who are feeling the same, I get it. A few years before the pandemic I went and started to find out about him. I met my aunt, who lives across the street from my Maternal grandma. To know that all this time I could have had answers was hard. However, I connected with my sister half twin. Her brother twin, my half-brother had passed away. I am a twin, so my biological Father made two sets of twins. He has other kids too.
He wasn’t there for them. So, what I thought I had missed I was the blessed one. My Dad aka my stepdad was a force. The way my biological father failed all of us I would never experience.
My Husband as a Father
My husband has been attentive since day one. When so many women say that their spouse doesn’t do for their kids, is not how our house is. He is there in the small and large things. His presence is felt daily. My husband is an amazing Father. So much that we have had a conversation about moving in the same light as a husband. My children are blessed and as a daughter who has gone through therapy over an absentee father, I am grateful. I wouldn’t be able to take away anything from my husband as a father no matter how mad I got at him. As an emotionally mature woman I learned in the beginning to separate the roles of my Husband.
Black Dope Dads
Today while out, my husband had his Black Dope Dad shirt. A random man walked up to him and told him about how he wouldn’t be able to see his daughters because of his children’s mothers. He said he had one that was 4 and another 5. In my mind I asked many questions. Are they from the same home? If no, what active role has he been in these girls lives prior to today? What relationship had he established with the mothers of his kids? How much has he fought to be in their lives? Fathers matter too. Having both in your life is a force like no other. Although we know many who have gone to do extraordinary things. Today you are entitled to have all the feelings. Good, bad or in the middle no child should be wondering about the love of their Father.
I salute all men who are taking positive roles in the lives of their children. For those who aren’t, I pray and encourage you to find some way of doing better. I know it seems that Mother’s Day is full of adoration. Meanwhile Father’s Day are of lessons, I personally am balanced. Don’t think that there aren’t toxic Mothers. They exist and in my opinion are just as strong as absentee Fathers. For wherever you are in today’s feelings I pray for peace. Happy Father’s Day to all of the amazing dads.
