Grown vs Adulthood

Decision making is subjective. It usually encompasses our personal belief system and our upbringing. If you struggle with decisions, it’s understandable. Another aspect of decision making is learning what decisions are you making because you are adult and which ones are from you being simply grown. Everybody claiming how grown they are don’t get how it shows how you are simply reacting to your adulthood and not growth of knowing who you are.

Example of Being an Adult vs Being Grown

As I was growing up, the adults around me who managed their business simply just did it. There weren’t any church announcements about bills that they had to pay, houses to fix, or marriages to uphold. When I got to be 18 immediately, I declared I was grown. Now I did go to college and thankfully with a scholarship I didn’t have my parents having to pay for it. So, in my mind if they didn’t pay for my education, I wanted to flex my “grownness.”

Here’s how I learned that I was an adult and not yet grown. I would like many college students make decisions that I would need to lean on other adults to help me navigate. As adults we all need help from time to time. The issue was the constant need to lean on others kept reflecting in my immaturity to managesocially, emotionally, and physical grownness. So yes, I was an adult by the country’s standard but being grown would come down the line.

Getting Grown

There is a maturing that happens when you become grown. Grown people not only show it, but they own their mistakes too. So, when I had gotten into the mistake that I thought would take me under and honestly hit it face forward that was the moment I began to walk into being grown. From that fall I learned to work hard, protect, and get the help that I needed to navigate my life. Grown people don’t always have it together but when they mess up, they don’t hide their hands like a child. No longer needed to feel validated from other adults helped.

Therapy is the biggest help in that. Paying bills and taking care of your home is the starter kit of being grown. Walking in maturity of who you are settles it. At age 40 I had been through the therapy that I needed, and I knew that I was setting the score with the young woman of my 20s and 30s.

Lessons in Being Grownish

Being grown doesn’t mean that you won’t need help or make mistakes. It’s ending the long lifestyle of making mistakes like I did in my 20s. The young woman who constantly informed the people around her that she was good knowing it was a smokescreen of lies. The people who scream the loudest don’t make them right. I only say that as an adult I realized that I wanted those around me to respect my age. They weren’t. To be honest they had no reason to. Being reckless behavior and loudness usually from my personal experience is telling that you are in search of yourself. It rare that I feel the need to justify my actions or want others to agree that do not live in my home.

For instance, this week I was asked about something I was doing. Immediately I found myself second guessing the question. When I realized it, I simply said, this is what I am doing and never followed it with anything else. One thing I love about knowing who I am is that I don’t have to explain my actions to everyone. Some people want to know your business not because they are genuinely caring about what you do. Others want to know to simply be aware. 

Grown vs Adult

Ask yourself one important question when you decide things, are you doing it because you are of age or because you are grown. Sometimes just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I wish the younger version of myself could see me now. The woman that I am now that doesn’t have to be combative could never see the maturity of today. Now, the Toi you see is ignoring messaging, deleting responses, ignoring rude folks, and taking care of my family without letting people into our sacred space with foolishness.

So, reflect on this Saturday. Are you grown or just simply an adult? Yes, you can be a 60-year-old adult who continues reckless behavior and hasn’t learned and walked in their grownness. Age is really a number. I know old fools as well as young ones. So, get still, make good decisions that don’t require the world to bail you out, be kind, and watch the responses you give internally to yourself and others.