Have you been an enabler or taken advantage of one? Women are just nurturing by nature. Women for the most part are usually born with certain gifts that make it easy to soothe and to be there for others. Most of these attributes don’t have to do with just being a mother. We will work with a lot and put up with a lot. But what is the line between nurturing and enabler?
Enabler-is it a woman thing?
Ask a woman to take on a plate and we will turn that thing into a meal. We are usually multitaskers and can handle it all. When I do take the time to think about becoming a mother I see how just last night I was doing laundry, putting up trees and decorating, cooking,etc not to mention preparing for my day. Before my motherhood days I was doing the same meeting deadlines and getting it done all at the same time.
Enabling is one of the pitfalls that can happen to women more in my perspective-but don’t think a man can’t! We by nature will see past the crazy and work through. Ever date a man that you knew wasn’t right? But you kept seeing that potential?! I have. You go out your way doing things for that man and allowing that man to do things to you that if your girlfriend had done you would be the first to sound the alarm.
Do it all for the love of the kids-Enabler Parents
Have a child that can do for themselves but you just can’t stop helping your baby?! Yes we all in some capacity have enabled things we should have cut off at a first glance. I tell folks all the time if in your gut you know that person is one using you, you find yourself feeling obligated when you shouldn’t or giving more than you get-most likely you are an enabler. Help your child become independent. You want them to be good citizens, right? Well start off when they are young. You might be beyond the teaching phase and need to step back. It however isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Take small steps to walk the bad habits of bailing your children out of things. When I was in college I got into a lot of mess. From drinking too much, to failing a class. However one thing I knew was that my parents weren’t going to help me so I couldn’t learn my lesson. After that failed class, I learned that I had to work hard to make it up. Drinking too much? A few nights over the toilet or hospital visit will sober you up.
Relationship Enabler?
This takes some care. Often times in relationships, enablers make it seem as if they are doing all they can to show that they care. I have seen this with women who want to prove that they can be a wife. They do it all. The partner of the enabler takes advantage. It usually isn’t until things have hit rock bottom before it is too late. Red flags will be in full display. I too have missed cues not because the person hid them. Most of the times it was due to me wanting what I wanted. We tend to make excuses for what we want.
Listen I’m not perfect I love to help others but there will be moments in life that you have to say NO! Today I challenge you to cut off an enabler. As much as we as a society look outside than in this may require you to flip your perspective. Cut off the negative enabling thoughts that are holding you back. Exercise those NO muscles inwardly and outwardly today!!
