Let’s talk about creating safe spaces. A safe space is the ability to speak up about a concern and not be judged, interrupted, or made to feel as if your feelings are invalid. As you create safe spaces in your home remember that you need to do the same in multiple relationships. Feeling unseen and unheard is real. It’s the number one reason people can be in a crowded room and feel alone. In today’s blog we will talk about loneliness and safe spaces.
Being Lonely in a Crowded Room
We have seen people visualize that it looks like to feel or be lonely in a crowded room. If you never experience this feeling count yourself blessed. For the many who have experienced you know how overwhelming it can be. It’s the fight to be in the place but also feel like you haven’t gotten as close as you need to people around you. Also, safe spaces are necessary to elevate and heal those lonely places.
How Common is being Alone in the Room?
It is extremely common to feel as if you are in the room with others but feel alone. The feeling of being alone means that sometimes our actions are simply a coping mechanism. For instance, you can be at a party and dance, drink, and have a fun time but in all honestly you are simply there as a place holder in your own world. Being a place holder in your world happens when you have things on your mind and heart that you can’t formulate. It’s like wanting to scream but feeling as if no one will hear you. This is usually a sign that you need to tap into your mental health. Often the feeling is ignored.
What to do if you are overwhelmed with being alone?
One, ask yourself the honest questions. Are you alone in the sense of wanting to be coupled and that feeling is overwhelming you? I had a friend in my past who all they could think of was being married. So everyday she watched and analyzed everyone who was coupled and dug herself deeper into a mental anguish that her inability to be married at the time was a draw on their personal worth. Are you alone because you have things that is happening that you aren’t ready to take charge? For example, when I was in my twenties often, I was ashamed of my life choices so I would hide it.
Lying about what I was up to or doing made it easy for me to be disconnected. I spent more time camouflaging with people around me. I knew off the bat; I would be judged for the desires that I have had. The judgement coupled with strong people pleasing skills made it easier for me to hide into the distance. The loneliness of wanting to be seen but also is accepted is real. So, when you know that you or someone you love is overwhelmed with that feeling it’s important to make the environment conducive to be honest and safe.
Safe Space is Needed
As someone who has had to break into accepting myself and be open enough to speak on mental health, I have mental health pet peeves. When you say that you need a safe space and those in your circle begin to argue that they have created a safe space even though you are adamant about what a safe space means to you. Please allow others to be able to say what they need without you interjecting your issues on them. A safe space looks differently for everyone. For me safe space means I need someone to simply listen to me first. The validation that even if you don’t agree with me, you still allow me to be free to speak. I was a child that had to walk a straight line. So, there was no wiggle room to disagree. Disagreement was disrespect. I had to learn that it’s not.
Safe Space with Friends or Relationships
Give people the ability to tell you what they need or be honest you can’t supply it. Stop making it seem that you are gifted to provide safe space to those when all you want is the tea of what is going on. If you are friends with others and one of you are going through, ask the friend that is going through is it okay to speak about their issues to other people. Do not ever assume that if you are talking to others in the group that its simply okay to divulge their information. I have a few friends who have dishonored my friendships by providing information to others who I wouldn’t have ever confiding in. Please do not think that friendship lines should get crossed. Respect others and ask if it’s okay.
What to do when you feel lonely?
If you are feeling lonely be honest on what you are feeling. Ask yourself questions about the reality of how long this has been happening. Seek help. This could come from therapy whether traditional or online. Seek to find what you really enjoy. Sometimes we simply stay comfortable with activities because to do things outside of the norm feels uncomfortable to us or the people around us. Be honest if you are uncomfortable being alone simply because you want to be with others or because other people are pushing the narrative that you should be tied to someone? Seek activities that you love. Should you have to go alone, don’t deny yourself the experience due to the fear of being alone. I get it, I hated going places alone.
However, see it as an opportunity to simply enjoy. If you should meet someone there that you connect with that is a plus. Don’t go with unrealistic goals. Go and be proud that you went. Check your circle. Honestly sometimes the ones that we are around make it hard for us to be our true authentic selves. As I gotten older, I realize that my desire for friendship have changed. It’s okay. Be honest as you process these lonely and overwhelmed feelings with honesty within you first. Also listen to the podcast on mental health and living on your own terms.
