If you know me you know at one point in time I had to be in total control. Yes I would go through a level of anxiety if something was happening beyond my control.
Growing up my parents definitely called the shots so when I went to college that was my first goal. I was going to say when and where. Nobody was going to control me. Now growing up in church I was taught that God has the final say but outside of him Toi was definitely the one will the bullhorn.
My freshman year in college was a disaster. Like the kind that can only be seen on television. I won’t get too specific but let’s just say my trying to do too much at one time led to one of the most fun, but stressful moments in my life. So much for me calling the shots! I almost hit rock bottom and transferred to a different school.
When I had my daughter is when I finally learned my lesson of control. I had her in 2009. She was 6 weeks early and at birth placed in the nicu. My being a control freak came to a screaming halt. All the preparations I had done didn’t matter. When I finally brought her home, my house wasn’t even ready so me and my parents became cozy little home dwellers. All the times that I had tried to control so many types of relationships, friends, or jobs all came to a halt. Think about how successful you have been trying to control all the players? Do you remember all the stress and anger that comes along? Honestly, let me be honest its way too much work.
If I am truly honest the amount of foolishness that I had invited into my life trying to control things led to many years of hospital visits, sicknesses, headache and heartache. I honestly feel like I’m my most liberated self now from controlling me. Yes ladies, there will be a moment of time when the only player you can control in this game is YOU. Things around you will not change until you stop and take a look at what you are putting out.
My real friends and shout out to them have seen me at my literal worst. If it wasn’t for real friendships I would be in this world with no one but Jesus and that’s the truth. You can really mess up friendships by having your girls through your actions do what you want. Folks don’t want to be around the one always running game as if someone hasn’t seen you a mile away.
If you are the type that controls your spouse let me tell you the amount of resentment that your man feels is real. You can’t police your man or son your man into anything. Yes you read correctly I said son your man. Son your man is when you want to control where he goes, who he talks to, his friends he can be around, how often he goes out, etc. There’s a certain level of respect when two people can be them, and still be able to come together as a couple. If your mood swings, adult tantrum, withholding sex, and overall nagging is your way of controlling your spouse I know you won’t have him long. He may be with you now but there’s a breaking point that will occur.
It’s time to use that negative energy and turn it into making you the best you that you can be. You have so much growth inside of you. You have so much happiness to achieve. Lets find that woman and leave that controlling little girl where she belongs, in the past.
