Ask Toi: My husband spends a lot of time at the strip club, am I wrong for feeling some type of way?

Well my question is, was he at the strip club before you married him?  Yes it matters.  People think that once they marry they will change their mate into their vision and rarely that happens.

Strip clubs depending on where you sit on the argument can be something that is done in fun.  Yes there are women shaking their behinds for dollars, but for some men it’s not something that they do to cheat.  I said some men.  You have to know your man.  Some people reading this will turn their noses up at it but let me remind my readers that your sin maybe different so let’s not pass judgement.

If there has been an increase, have you asked why.  Let me remind you that you can ask your husband in a non nagging way.  Just simply say hey I’ve noticed that you have gone a lot, is there anything going on?  Maybe that is his release no different than someone having an addiction to cigarettes.  What has been going on at home? New stress at work? Again know your man.  Someonelse reading this wouldn’t be okay with their man at the strip club while another would be okay. 

Any behavior that is out the ordinary needs to be communicated.  You and your husband know what boundaries you have set.  If it was my husband I would ask.  Don’t automatically assume that he’s cheating.  The worst thing you can do is confront on assumptions.  When you do all you do is come off as accusatory and nothing can get accomplished.

Lastly you said should you feel some type of way – that depends on how you see the situation.  If you think he’s cheating than you are feeling betrayed.  You have to deal with your feelings.  I know a lot of women who feel slighted that a man would need to go to the strip club.  Listen you could be swinging off the ceiling and a man would still want to see a random naked woman dancing. 

Being a church girl strip clubs are a big no no.  When you entertain that type of stuff you invite all kinds of other issues in and I definitely agree.  Let’s be clear I have gone to strip clubs so although I understand and understood the spiritual side of it, as an adult I have made the decision numerous times to go.  It’s a personal decision and in your situation as a couple you need to come to a conclusion.  I’ve always said if you feel disrespected and can’t come to terms than that man needs not go.  I believe the same for you if he felt whatever way on something you wanted to do.

Lastly don’t compare the woman that are stripping to you.  I’ve taken a few pole dancing classes the work out is serious.  It’s not for everybody.  Those girls work hard to do what they do.  Your husband being satisfied at home shouldn’t be linked to the strip club unless you know in the bedroom you have just given up.  If that is the case go back to what you know will make him happy.  Outside of that the women who are dancing and you aren’t the same.  You are his wife, the woman he chose to spend his life with.  Find out what’s going on and build on the marriage from there.

Also note- I do not shy away from any Ask Toi question. If you have one send them to [email protected] and you will always remain anonymous.