Okay let me fill in the readers in. The husband had some friends from work over. The wife knew nothing about them stopping by. She states she didn’t have a chance to clean and brought the issue up to her husband. His response is the cleanliness of the house was on her because it reflects how she “keeps” the home.
So my answer to you is this, are you the only one in the home? Does your husband come to visit you? Because not then the cleanliness of the home is about all those who live there. I’m not even on some feminist level of thinking but two adults should have to be responsible for their living quarters. Women often feel compelled to do the cleaning and that needs to change.
I wont even waste my time debating who is better in cleaning because that doesn’t matter. Here are some ways you can end this cleaning tug of war:
Divide chores
Yes same couples feel that dividing chores according to what each person’s strength are works. If your husband does a better job in cleaning the bathroom then let him take that roll. If you are better at the mopping then so be it.
Some couples divide it by a rotating system. This way no one chore is being done indefinitely by one person. So each person can roll up their sleeves and complete things.
Assign and Post
Some couples just make up responsibilities for the home and just do it. The problem if you’re already having issues with who is doing what you may have to write down what needs to be done and when. If trash needs to be taken out on Friday and your husband keeps forgetting this reminder can work wonders.
Whatever you try remember you must find a system and work together. One thing for when you possibly could be experiencing uninvited guest is to have a system in place. For our home we have it understood that people should call first. That won’t work all the time so in between the guests who don’t call I always make sure the bathroom and kitchen are clean. Yes I was raised that those two rooms should be presentable often.
Lastly unless your husband’s Co workers made it an issue I would let it slide. Most people understand that life happens. You could be over thinking the clean comment in that you didn’t say if your husband came to you after his friends left or not. I’m self conscious about visitors so I approach my husband with a thousand questions when no issue was presented.
Your husband comment about the house being on you was just an ill formed statement. Address it and then move along. Let him know you didn’t like it and come with a plan to not have this as an issue in the future. That way you can see the results you want. Always speak up about things and work together. Your home and how domestic duties are divided are just a part of living with another person. You will be fine. Good luck.
