Ask Toi: My Estranged parents keep asking me to move my vow renewal date. How do I just stick to my date?

The reader for today is already married and is having a vow renewal. She has changed the date several times and the parents have made reasons to move the date…..

Well you’re estranged for a reason. That reason isn’t a push to keep your date but you should consider the why. When it comes to dates for major events I can see why you attempted to accommodate them. They are your parents. However people will attend that want to attend. If there asking to move the date isn’t about something life threatening I would sit down with your husband and pick a date and stick to it.

Depending on the vendors you can’t move it once selected. Since you are married you and your husband need to choose and unfortunately those who can be there will. As much as you want to make sure they are there the reasons that you gave that they asked you to move don’t seem valid.

Moving the date to accommodate treatment for life saving measures, someone else in the family has already secured the date, or it’s not a date you do not want are reasons to change.

You said your estranged parents want to relax on a date you have given to me to not sound justified. I don’t know the full extent of your relationship but most parents will be at their child’s wedding or vow renewal. If you have changed it and you say they just didn’t like the date, you need to go ahead select a date and move forward.

If you aren’t able to say this is our date start out with reminding them you changed it several times to accommodate them and it isn’t working. Keep in mind you could just send the invite and go from there. You are married and although you want them there it isn’t required and it doesn’t reverse the marriage you are already in.

There could be a number of reasons as to why they are avoiding the date. You can ask. Hopefully they will be forthcoming. Talk from that point. It’s unfortunate that you have this going on but know within yourself you have tried. Make your plans and enjoy the process of getting the wedding you didn’t have a chance in the beginning. Unless they are offering to pay they at this point of numerous accommodations need to attend and be supportive. I was always taught he who has the gold makes the rules. Since you and your husband are paying for it in full, speak to him and make the day about you and his love. Hopefully your parents shake their excuses and be apart or they will have to continue the estranged behavior and you can tackle the real issues outside of this renewal/celebration.

Try to get them to separate the issues before the renewal celebration from the actual day.

Good luck!