Ask Toi: My cousin and I got into a heated argument, she hit me and I pushed her off of me. She and the family says I shouldn’t have…

Wait a physical fight over an altercation.  Thats a huge red flag for me.   I am one for a good argument.  I’m usually not the one to back down easily but when you resort to hitting that’s a huge NO NO for me.  

Something is missing in this situation.  A cousin hit you but the family is stating you shouldn’t have pushed this cousin.   If you pushed her first then maybe I can see the family concerns but there’s not a person on this planet that is going to hit me and I’m not getting them off of me.   Let’s be clear I’ve been in situations where I’ve walked away from physical altercations many times but I’m not going to allow you to keep hitting me and I just stand there.   Human nature alone would make you swing back. 

I’ve said this many times in previous blogs that title doesn’t allow people to continue to be disrespectful.  Some people want what they won’t give.  Your cousin and you should have remained respectful.  Whoever hit first was totally in the wrong.  If you were defending yourself then so be it.  

I think a definite time out and some space is necessary.  Figure out why things are so out of control.   I think if you were defending yourself then you’re dealing with family members who are playing favorites and are taking sides.  Please understand nothing you say will change their opinion until they want to change it.   Your best bet is to understand no fight or disagreement will change your blood line however you don’t have to accept disrespectful behavior.

I’m a person that gives chances but for me physical fights or threats crosses all lines.   I would decide to continue to deal with that cousin or not.  For me it would be a flat out no especially if this isn’t my first negative interaction. You need to sit and think about this.  You can be polite and not speak.  You can attend events and be cordial.  The days of hanging out would be cut until you saw fit.   I’m a firm believer that change is possible but that’s God’s work not yours.   Respect is earned and until your cousin proves it I would stay clear.

Also if reconciliation does take place it’s between you and your cousin.   No one else can tell you when you should accept her back into your personal space.  So I pray that it works out for you.   Please understand that family spats happen but you are in control of your responses or lack thereof. Set the tone for how you should be treated.  Family have disagreements but physical fights aren’t cover.  Realize what you’re dealing with.  Somewhere within your cousin she is out of control.   Remember if you allow something to be said to push you to violence it speaks volumes about who they are.  Be careful to let other family members in your ear too.   Not everyone is meant for your good.  

Hope this works out but please know you will have to have a sit down with your cousin if you choose to reconcile.   Emails and text messages aren’t going to cut for this type of situation.  The bigger the offense, the bigger the apology.  Everyone needs to at the least speak on the phone.  

Good luck!