Ask Toi: How do I handle my best friend who needed to stay with me but complains about my home?!

Welp if you are best friends people always assume that you should be able to freely speak on anything. To a certain degree that makes perfect sense but there are times that close friends will have to have difficult conversations. This is one of them.

If you’re not about that put your girl out life, you will need to take your friend out of the home and have a conversation. What I mean is find an environment outside of the home to talk to your girl about her insults. One thing you can’t or I’ll say is shouldn’t do is come into someone home and insult them. Insults can come from how that person does things, to what you may feel needs to be in or outside of the home, etc. Even if your friend is the keeping it real type we have to understand that mutual respect should always be your main goal. Keeping it real can go real wrong and we have to stop this narrative to allow people to be loud and cruel at your expense! Keeping it real means you won’t sugar coat it but even non sugar things can be good to you. Delivery is everything and it sounds like this real friend is being a real jerk!

I find that besties lose sight of what it means to never take respect out of the relationship and in your case she has disrespected you and your home. Speak candidly with examples about what is being said and how it made you feel. Be prepared for a few rebuttals:

• It’s not that deep I was just telling you
• I should be able to say whatever to you at this point
• If you can’t handle my realness that’s not my problem
• I can leave but don’t forget what I did for you….
• You making a big deal over nothing

All of which are wrong because it doesn’t change the disrespect. Don’t back down when speaking. Let your friend and the rebuttals know that you gave your bestie the courtesy by not addressing her right away giving her time to adjust but since she won’t she needs to and that going forward that type of behavior will not be tolerated!

You have every right to be in your home without someone telling you what you should do or how you should be doing it. You simply saying that this has been going on for a little while let’s me know that the tension has been there long before she came to visit or stay!

Talk it out and depending on her responses will let you know if bestie needs to find new living arrangements or a hotel. Never let anyone in your home disrupt the flow of peace not even for a visit! Hotel chains are open 24 hours a day and you don’t deserve an hour of inconvenience.

Good luck!