Ask Toi: How do I deal with a boyfriend who only wants the type of sex he wants and never what I want?

Since you expressed you’re in a committed relationship you have to verbalize your request.  In order to be sexually satisfied both of your needs have to be met.

Have you really communicated what satisfied sex means to you?   I know often we think that we don’t have to speak up but you do.   Especially if committed relationships we take for granted that our partner is supposed to “just know.”  That’s not how this work.   You expressed you’re needing more romance in your sex life.   You have to tell him specifically what that means.  For one person that could mean candles and music.   To another that may just mean that body grabbing,  gazing into eyes sex.   You have to say I like this please let’s add this in next time. 

I know plenty of times we are taught as women we can’t be sexually aware of what we want.  We dont have to go along with whatever our partner gives.  We can be open and get what we want. Trust me a man will step up to the plate especially if he loves you.   We just can’t take for granted that they are mind readers.  

Keep in mind in sex that it’s give and take.  So when you bring up what you want don’t he taken back when he too has a few requests.  Approach the conversation not in the middle of the act.   Have this conversation outside of the bedroom first.   That way when you go into the bedroom it’s a place where sex is being had and not anger or confusion.

I have a feeling that if you say to him hey I really love that you do ABC,  but I would love it more if you added this, a man will most definitely be willing to do more if he believes he’s getting more.  Sex is supposed to be an expression of your love for one another especially in a committed relationship. 

I think you will be okay.  If you have a stubborn man as some women do you will have to just show him. Take matters into your own hands. Bring what you want and have the best time and I’m sure he will repeat it.

Good luck!!