Well for one you don’t. It takes courage to admit that you are in this position. We all think we have our lives figured out and then before we know it life happens. I don’t know what type of relationship you and your child’s father had prior to the baby but children and the stress of having them can weaken a relationship.
Before my readers run up on me with the comments I said they CAN weaken a relationship. I’ve always said people shouldn’t have children in the hopes that it will make a relationship better because often times it doesn’t.
The first thing you need to do outside of your brave confession is figure out why exactly you are bitter. Is it because of the family you thought you would have changed? We’re you and your child’s father to be married and you’re hurt? Has he moved on and it angers you? Are you still in love with him? You know your answer and you must face the reality of it.
One thing you need to do is talk with your child’s father. Sometimes closure of how you viewed your relationship can help. This is not a let’s get back together talk. If he wanted to get back with you the two of you would be an item. Keep it strictly fully ending the feelings that you have and he may or may not have.
Next if you need counseling than that’s a great place to start. Sometimes we overlook counseling as an option but it’s a vital tool. Counseling will help you sort out your issues. Bitterness doesn’t have to live with you forever. You want to be able to interact with your child’s father and not have tensions flaring. Also keep in mind when you deal with this bitterness you can parent better even when you’re not around your ex.
Children pick up on issues more than we give credit. So this bitterness will be transposed to your child in some manner. You don’t want your child to think that your anger has something to do with them. Kids don’t understand adult issues and they shouldn’t have to. The way to be a good mom is to work on your issues.
Lastly try to change your perspective on the new interaction with your ex. You made a child together and although not in the same home the two of you should focus on making your child’s life the best it can be. Make sure to include your child’s father in all that your child does and leave the interaction strictly about your child. Make sure that your child when they are old enough understand that you both love him/her and will always be there to support their dreams.
You can be great parents together. You two can get past your hurt issues from the past. The one great thing you said in your letter is that he’s a great father. You have won in that regard. At least you’re not fighting to get him to be a good father and get over him as well.
I really wish you well.
