Anxiety is Real

These last few weeks have been full of anxiety. Make no mistake we are dealing with two pandemics and that’s Covid-19 and Racism. I’m not going to sugar coat this for any reason.

Racism isn’t New

Racism isn’t anything new. We have been plagued by it for years. As an African American woman, wife and mother I’ve had my own personal dealings. From being called directly a Nigger, to having someone make me feel unsafe for being a black woman and it’s not a great feeling. It hurts. I’ve been blindsided by those in my life I’ve trusted. I’ve been in deep seeded pain by it too. I’ve had difficult conversations with my children behind it as well! I’ve talked recently about it in the last few days.

Covid is Still Here

So although people are moving as if it’s gone it’s not. So lives are still lost. People are still getting sick and progressing through the sickness. Folks will increasingly become ill or possibly die. Covid-19 has shown up and taken all of our lives in many ways hostage. So continue to stay safe, practice social distancing, and be vigilant about washing your hands.

Anxiety in Full Force

My nerves are all over the place. I’m talking beyond the realm of sleeping. My thoughts of fear, and not knowing what’s to come are real. My thought patterns are all over the place. I’m forgetting where I put simple things. I forget to eat at times. I’m struggling with balance. I find myself having to take breaks and even when I need to take a break, it’s hard. I am wondering what our future will look like. The other day I woke up in tears. I’ve been crying more. I already struggle with anxiety to begin with. This is adding to it. The pictures and videos aren’t helping but I know they are necessary.

What Do I Do?

I wish I knew. Everyday and every moment looks different for me. I can’t retreat. I miss my family of whom I haven’t seen. I miss my friends who would make me feel secure and loved. I miss hugs with others because I miss that comfort. I’m working out. I’ve been reading. I’m listening to music. I’ve been loving on my family. I know I’m not alone. I try not to take to heart the ugly comments online that try to continue this stigma of black lives not having a value. I know it’s not true. I know what my family and I bring to this world. I just want my children to be judged on totally who they are instead of color first and everything secondly.

So if you’re like me struggling, you’re not alone. Let’s uplift one another but also call out the foolishness. Speak clearly on where you stand. Don’t play the middle. There’s no more middle to play. Thank you to organizations who aren’t capitalizing off the pain of blacks and brown people right now. Those who have been sounding the alarm from day one. We see the people and organizations who are mute. Being mute is painful to see. Human life is important and that’s all humans. Unite. Do better! Stand for something that helps others come together under the same umbrella and on the same level!