13 Years in Philly

13 years in Philly today and there have been some lessons about myself that I have learned. I am sharing with someone making a big move. For those who say things like I can’t wait until I move… let’s talk about it. In addition, some lessons that I hope will help anyone dealing with anxiety.

Move with Purpose and a Plan

Unbeknownst to my family when I moved to Philadelphia with my then fiancé, we had a 5-year plan. That plan included me living with my mother-in-Law as we saved money for a house and pay off debt. Amid this 5-year plan, we discovered that I was already pregnant with my second child while bringing our oldest daughter along. The move was full of purpose. We were recently engaged and wanted to build our life together. The back and forth to raise our oldest was too much. It made sense on top of that I was recently laid off. The move felt like a natural progression.

Move with a plan but be prepared to adjust. The one thing that I regret in the move wasn’t moving away. In addition, even though the struggle was real with all the changes. The regret I have was not leaving my mother in law’s home sooner. I prioritized the plan and the overall picture over my mental health. Where people thought I was being combative had a lot to do with my anxiety levels at extreme highs. I realized for the first time in my life I was in over my head and couldn’t cope. Read my 5 year survival blog.

Toxic Environment

The environment for me became toxic because I didn’t verbalize what I needed. The 5 year plan should have ended early. Moving should have been the move sooner than we did I needed separation from where we were to preserve my mental health. I too should have ended my stay at home lifestyle and gotten a job to contribute to that move. So many things that could have been done. Those who saw me floundering did more talking than helping. It was a mess.

Philly Strong

Ever been to Philadelphia? They are some of the best people in the world. They believe in their city. Philadelphia folks don’t play about sports and nothing else. I learned how to navigate in this city and made it my home. When I first came my anxiety levels were so bad, I had my own car and wouldn’t even leave the house in the day because I was too scared to do so. I came home almost every other weekend.

This was because I was too scared to make Philly my home. I relied too much on my husband and his family to make me whole and it didn’t work out for me at all. The trust that I gave in this situation was far too much. Eventually from our two kids we now have 3. There will be no more. I made a business here and now a village. I have most amazing friends and business associates. This move has been the best for me in so many ways.

The DO NOT Do List

• Move with a plan AND be unwilling to change
• Be afraid to say your plan didn’t work or isn’t work
• Rely on support from only ONE source
• Loss yourself
• Pressure yourself to be settled in a month

The Do List

• Develop a mental health plan and establish other resources
• Start looking for groups according to general likes and interests
• Have an accountability person to check in with during your transition
• Continue activities you love if not find new interest
• Be gentle you don’t have to have it all figured out in a week

Moving from what you know

When you leave a small town to a bigger city a lot of folks say, “I can’t wait to leave.” Lancaster is where I am from originally and that is all they say. Every other person I know make posts about what they are gonna do and be sitting in the same place, bar, job, and more with no movement. When you do move keep a few things in mind. If you don’t fix your mindset whatever you are leaving or running from will meet you in the new city. It’s never the location it’s you. That is as real as I can put it. You can’t make moves, get a new job, or thrive has nothing to do with where you are. You will bring that same mindset and struggle in the new city waiting to move somewhere else.

What’s Next in Philly

More growth is the goal. I am making moves right where I am and learning to love me more daily. There is no way that I will allow the things that I did wrong to continue. The lessons I learned have made the difference in how I move now. The way I treat myself is different. Being honest about how I am feeling and if something isn’t working is so clear to me these days. I am also willing to put behind me the resources to make moves if ever I need to with my family.

So, Philadelphia is my home. My family is in a great space. Also my mind is in a great space as well. My relationships are stronger. The things I’ve seen and have done have exceeded my expectations. This blog or podcast would not have have happened without this move! I’m grateful!

I can do anything. Thank you, Philly!